We tend to think of the holiday season as joyful and social, full of family gatherings, sparkling lights and shared traditions. But people's experiences at this time of year are far from uniform, and going outside the usual norms can have its benefits.
In a recent survey of more than 300 adults in the UK conducted by our Loneliness Lab, the majority of respondents said they would still spend Christmas with family this year – either in large groups or in small households with partners and children. But time spent socially, even positive time with loved ones, can be demanding. Buying gifts, traveling, disrupting our normal routine, hosting guests, or just the general sensory rush of the holiday season can all add up and drain us. When asked what feelings they associated with the season, people most often chose words associated with love and togetherness, but the majority of people in our survey also chose calm and relaxation. This suggests that people expect both connection and relaxation. Brief moments of solitude can help balance it all out.
Research from our laboratory shows that about 15 minutes of alone time can reduce the aggravation of emotions. In several laboratory experiments, we have consistently observed a decrease in strong emotions, such as anxiety or frustration, after people spent just 15 to 30 minutes alone. In these studies, participants were often asked to spend time browsing content on their phone, reading, or simply sitting with their thoughts. We also found physiological evidence that solitude helps the body relieve stress more quickly. This makes it a useful counterbalance during those weeks when stimulation is at its maximum.
These small periods of time don't have to be dramatic. A quiet cup of tea before everyone wakes up or a short solo errand will help you take a breather, reset and calm down before rejoining the group. Loneliness in this case is not an avoidance, but a way of regulation.
However, not everyone spends their holidays surrounded by people. In our survey, about 9 percent of adults said they planned to spend Christmas alone. Many of the participants in this solo Christmas group associated the holidays with peace and relaxation, but joy and happiness still appeared in their responses. Loneliness and boredom were mentioned less frequently, most often by older people, often because they spent Christmas alone due to circumstances beyond their control.
Choice is an important factor in shaping the experience of loneliness, and it can take many forms. Social norms – especially since the Covid-19 pandemic – have changed. shifted to spending time alone. More people are now embracing it rather than fearing it, and our mindset plays a big role in how loneliness feels.
Having options for how we spend our alone time also helps. Solitude is suitable for introspective activities, such as remembering the positive moments of the past year, or low-key activities, such as a walk in the local park. Leaving the house for privacy can also create opportunities for small conversations with strangers. moments it can lift your spirits and strengthen your sense of belonging to the holiday—a benefit that is often underestimated. And while physical loneliness means being alone, it doesn't mean you're cut off. Reaching out to someone, writing a card, or simply thinking about others can remind us of the connections we made while spending time alone. feel more enriching.
Whether you spend the Christmas season with others or alone, solitude offers a simple resource: a short time to calm down, reflect, and approach the holidays with a little more ease. It's not about choosing isolation over connection, but about allowing both to have their place during the season that often demands of so many of us.
Thuy Vi Nguyen is the principal investigator of the Loneliness Lab and co-author Loneliness: The Science and Power of Solitude
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