Why does she not ‘like’ me? – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: I have a friend whom I have known for four years. We all live in the over 55 community and have moved here from different parts of the country. We are a group of women who regularly get together for walks.

I've been feeling a little left out over the past couple of months due to a couple of events that I haven't been a part of. But I'm trying to understand why she doesn't like or comment on any of my Facebook posts when she's inundating everyone else with supportive and loving comments?

Again, it's so stupid, but I can't help but wonder why. Looking through my messages, I noticed that she had never tagged any of them, not even on my birthday. We're still friends, work with the same fundraising group, eat dinner at each other's houses, and get invited to the same events. This Facebook thing has me confused and I don't know what kind of friend she is, so I feel uncomfortable around her.

So what do I do now? I ignore her posts, which makes me feel so stupid and childish. If I wasn't part of this group that I really like, I wouldn't be involved with it. Can you shed some light on her way of thinking? This really confused me.

– Friend request

Dear friend: While social media platforms are designed to replicate some aspects of real-life friendships, they also highlight situations and feelings that have no real consequences. I'm not sure we were ever designed to know so many people's thoughts about everything, including every single thing we post about our lives. It's too much.

So, give yourself a break. The occurrence of these feelings is quite natural. Facebook is designed to show you what your friends are interacting with, so it's natural to notice that your friends aren't interacting with the content you post.

The simplest answer might be that her algorithm doesn't show her what you post very often. Each person's Facebook is tailored to them, to their behavior and to what advertisers and company engineers want from each person. So it's possible that she simply doesn't know what you're posting.

Since you have no problem interacting on social media in real life, it's best to just believe it and let it go. If you're curious about the nature of your friendship, talk to her in real life. But keep the conversation focused on real life, not what she does or doesn't do online.

Dear Eric: Christmas is overwhelming for me. I don't like shopping and never have. I don't like giving gifts just for the sake of exchanging gifts. I already have too much stuff and honestly, I can't afford it anymore.

I really enjoy giving when I see something that I know will be perfect for the recipient and will make them happy, but the pressure to do it on a schedule is too great. Also, my marriage of 27 years ended over the holidays about two years ago, and it's not the best time of year.

I have two older children (21 and 16 years old). I still like to give them a good Christmas, but how do I let my family and friends know that I will be celebrating in my place of worship and with my children, but I don't want to be given any gifts and they shouldn't expect them from me without seeming like an ungrateful Scrooge? The phone calls, text messages and emails asking for my Christmas list are about to start and I'm dreading it.

– Not Scrooge

Dear Not Scrooge: Ideally, gift giving is a kind of symbiotic relationship in which the desires of the giver should not exceed the desires of the recipient. At this time of year, some people always come with a wrapped box or bag filled with tissue paper. Attribute this to a love of languages, force of habit, or simply a desire to cheer up. But a conscientious gift-giver may hear “no gifts, please” and realize that no gifts are, in fact, a gift.

So, consider your request less a Scrooge's decree and more a proposal that will enable your friends to help you.

How to do this? Try the unvarnished truth. “My attitude towards gifts has changed, as has my life lately. So, I don't have a list because, really, one thought is enough for me. I'm moving away from gifts, giving and receiving. I hope you understand and know that I still care about you, and wish you well.”