There is research, and there is life experience. Research may say that taking a break from social media is good for your mental health; that walking several thousand steps daily can reduce the risk of cognitive decline; that eating fewer ultra-processed foods may lower blood pressure.
But research can't tell you what your biggest regrets are, what you wish you'd done sooner, or whether you view aging as a blessing or a curse. Only life can teach this.
With the help of Kensington Health, superaging researchers at Western University and Christie Gardens retirement home, the Star asked nine Toronto seniors to offer wisdom and advice on how to stay active, maintain relationships, age gracefully and get the most out of life. Some, like 69-year-old Stella Lee, are just entering their third act. Others, like 104-year-old Nancy Roberts, who still lives alone, defied the odds. Everyone has learned a thing or two along the way.
“The world is yours. Take advantage of it,” said 85-year-old Al Zikowitz. “You won't have another chance.”
This is what they told us.
What is the secret to aging well?
Mary Trapani Hines, 82: “Attitude is a big part of it because once you start feeling like life sucks, it sucks. Because you're going to live with pain… but if that's what you're focusing on, you might as well just curl up in a blanket, crawl in there, sleep and wait to die. Which I don't really want to do.”
Nancy Roberts, 104 years old: “My standard answer is: I've never been married.”
What would you tell your younger self?
John Tagg, 72 years old: “Don't worry about things. Just live every day… A lot of people go to school and then they say, “Oh, I have to get a job, and then I have to do this, this, this, this.” But it will be more pleasant if you just accept things as they are.”
Emiko Millar, late 70s: “The goal is big… My son, when he was little, said: “I will have my own company.” And I said, “What is he doing?” But now he has company… The sky is the limit and just make your wish come true.”
Hines: “Take safe risks. That means, yes, you jump out of a plane, but you use a parachute. You jump off a bridge, but you know how deep the water is before you jump. Do things that make your heart rate increase, but don't do things that will probably kill you… Do dangerous things, but be prepared.”
Stella Lee (left) and Emiko Millar, who is in her late 70s, are regulars at Kensington Health's Second Mile club. “This is my second home,” said Lee, 69. “I come here five days a week, from 10 to 4, like I’m working.”
Richard Lautens/Toronto Star
What advice would you give to today's youth?
Al Zikowitz, 85: “You only live life once. Don't waste it. Don't let it pass you by. Do something. Be active all the time. Don't waste it. That's my advice to any young person – don't sit on your ass. Try something.”
Ellie Schuber, 86 years old: “You should wait (to get married) until you know what you want from life.”
Yigal Holzer, 82 years old: “Communication is face-to-face interaction, talking to people. No other social apps. I like to look a person straight in the eye and talk or listen. Be a good listener… You have to listen to what they say and remember what they say… People appreciate it when you remember conversations with them.”
Jeanne Moffatt, 85 years old: “Every step of the way there was someone who kind of encouraged me (and young people should look for that). They saw something in me that I maybe didn't even know I had. They encouraged me by sending me to meetings or putting me in positions.”
Ellie Schuber, 86, has decided not to wear black at 70. “I decided I would try to be colorful,” she said. “I just thought, 'You know what, I'm never getting this time back.'
Steve Russell/Toronto Star
What thing do you do every day that makes life better?
Stella Lee, 69 years old: “I'm walking down College Street. She's so beautiful. Previously, when I worked, I felt: “Ugh, it’s snowing, oh, trouble.” Now I feel: “Oh, snow, how beautiful.” Indeed, I have this feeling… You see that the trees are green, and then you see flowers. You feel good. It makes my day.”
Hines: “I'm participating in a research study at the Kimel Family Center (for brain health and wellness). I'm there six days a week. I exercise, I do art. When I get back today, I'll take an improv class, and after that I'll have two gym classes.”
Schuber: “I try not to give advice to my children – I have four. Because you feel bad if they don't take it, and they feel bad if they don't take it.”
Zikowitz: “Drink whiskey.”
What is the secret to maintaining social connections?
Millar: “Initiating is keeping in touch with them all the time… At Christmas, I send everyone e-cards… My brother and sister (in Japan). I said, “Let’s do a Zoom.” It took them half a year (to reach an agreement). They say, “We can call.” But I want to see you. So I even bought an iPad for my sister. And when I was in Japan, I told her how to use Zoom.”
Hines: “Now I'm starting to meet people my age (at the Kimel Center, which works to reduce the risk of dementia) who aren't dumb. Because too many people my age don't do a damn thing… They think you're amazing if you randomly walk into the mall!”
Zikowitz: “I'm not a social butterfly. My wife and I have our own lives here, but… just go out there. Don't expect people to come to you all the time. You need to go to them if you want to maintain a social life with your friends.”
Al Zikowitz, 85, founded Cottage Life magazine and now lives in Christie Gardens with his wife. What does he do every day to make his life better? “Drink whiskey.”
Steve Russell/Toronto Star
What do you wish you had started doing earlier?
Label: “Go to different places with different views on life and don't worry about, 'Oh, I need to make a living'… (My son) took a year off… He went to Asia and traveled all over Asia. I was happy he did it, but I had to do it myself.”
Hines: “(I'd like to stop) nagging my husband. It's a little late because he's already passed away. That can't be changed.”
Schuber: “Being more independent. I was married a long time and kind of went along with everything my husband wanted to do. I mean, they weren't bad things, but I went straight from home to marriage, and I think if I had to do it again, I wouldn't. I would be independent for a while.”
Is Aging a Blessing or a Curse?
Hines: “Where I am now is a blessing. But there's also a lot of crap here. I don’t walk around saying, “Ugh! Everything is beautiful, everything is great.” Getting out of bed is always difficult. Everything hurts… Sometimes it sucks. But overall I'm fine. I'm alive and thriving. So what the hell?
Zikowitz: “Getting old sucks. Not mentally, just physically. You just can't seem to do the things you used to be able to do. But you have to take it in stride and accept it. It's part of life.”
Holzer: “It's part of the package… You can't avoid it. It's going to happen one day. We just have to make the best of it.”
Moffat: “I don't believe (in) aging, you need to be sad. I'm also not afraid to die. I'm ready to go when the time comes. I just hope I don't stay too long.”
Jeanne Moffatt, 85, worked as the executive director of Greenpeace Canada. She said that she is not afraid of death. “I'm ready to go when the time comes.”
Steve Russell/Toronto Star
What has brought you the most joy in life?
Hines: “Watching my son become who he is. I met him when he was five years old, and at that point he didn't even respond to his name. (He was) severely disabled… We took him home as an emergency placement when he was six. We adopted him when he was 19… He turned out to be a wonderful person. Very socially conscious, very caring, very active… My biggest accomplishment is how he turned out.”
Schuber: “Having children and then grandchildren, I'm really happy. When they were all little, I was very close to all of them… (Junior) always came to sleep with me. Now he's 14, he won't sleep at his grandmother's house anymore.”
What's left on your wish list?
Label: “Sometimes I feel like bucket lists cause a lot of anxiety. Should I do it? Or will I ever do it?… That's why I think you should just accept things as they come.”
Hines: “I collect all the Lego sets I have.”
Holzer: “I'm done. The only thing on my bucket list now is spending time with my grandchildren and friends.”
Roberts: “Nothing. No. I just like doing what I do.”






