:quality(85):upscale()/2025/12/18/835/n/49351763/8ea6c499694450062b1d82.90910993_.jpg?ssl=1 "The \"Girly Guys\" Are Leaving Performative Masculinity in 2025")
It was Mary Jane who did it for Estevan Reyes Peña. He liked the silhouette of the black leather Doc Martens, the way they fit his feet, how they looked “a little dainty.” He still loves them, several years later, even as his personal style continues to evolve from skater-punk to alt-female, but also to the uncategorizable other thing he is now—enough that he actually wears a pair when we talk on the phone.
“The shoe is considered very feminine, but it's so cool and tough,” he tells POPSUGAR. He remembers the first time he tried on shoes; This was a “huge click” for him, not only in terms of understanding what kind of wardrobe he wanted to create, but also what kind of ideal he wanted to develop in all areas of his life.
The shoe started Reyes Peña's gender-affirming fashion journey, which has since migrated to his Instagram. @tevistuff. There, he documents the “feminine outfits” he wears, among other things, at his corporate tech job outside Salt Lake City and other locations. Reyes Peña's goatee and boxy frame give him a rather masculine appearance until he gets dressed. Although he has relatively few subscribers, some of his videos, such as showing how he styles earthy flowy skirt which hits his mid-calf – has racked up tens of thousands of views and a potentially surprising number of supportive comments. But maybe it’s not so surprising after all?
“There is a huge redefinition of what it means to be 'girly'.”
Reyes Peña is a small part of a much larger trend in which traditionally mask-wearing men (especially those dating women) are embodying a more feminine style—yes, not just in clothing, but in overall lifestyle and personality. Five years after Harry Styles wore the dress Fashionwe're entering the next evolution of softboys, where descriptors like “effeminate” no longer carry the same radioactive burn as those of the most crushing celebrity dudes of the day. And while there aren't as many straight men in skirts and dresses as there were in the early 2020s, male celebrities still support feminization, even if it's more subtle. Men like Bad Bunny, Timothée Chalamet, Nick Vansteenbergh and Pedro Pascal bring a softer, more gender-fluid energy to the red carpet, prompting some TikTokers to categorize them as “boys who would like to be hot girls”
Other TikTok users said: “accusations against gays“The greenest flag a straight man can achieve (as opposed to the queerbaiting allegations leveled against celebrities like Harry Styles just a few years ago). “Your guy has to have accusations of being gay, that's how you know it's a keeper,” creator Evan Lazarus said back in August. “He should have little hobbies that don't make sense and dress in a way that upsets his parents but brings you joy.”
Reyes Pena knows this video well. “My partner will send me these TikToks,” he laughed. Whether it's dangly earrings, a set of chunky rings, or an overall warm and inviting demeanor, he says he doesn't usually “pass as straight.” (His partner is a woman, although Reyes Peña identifies as pansexual.) While the words “gay” and “girly” were once considered the worst insults a man could endure, this is true for many modern men who grew up influenced by feminist and sexual attitudes. The thing about gender-expansive activism is that it is no longer “accusation”; They affirmationsabout something honest about themselves that they once felt they had to bury.
For Reyes Peña, who shares a closet with his partner and regularly takes about 85 percent of her clothes, the word “girly” is not a dirty word. It's a compliment. “There's a huge restoration of what it means to be 'girly' and I hope that continues,” he says.
The “Great Softening” (trademark pending) has resonated with heterosexual women, whose cravings for sweets seem to be increasing. While gender fluidity has always been a turn-on for bisexual and gay women, straight women are pining for girly guys, too: Jonathan Bailey was named People magazine's first openly gay Sexiest Man Alive this year, and Jacob Elordi—a certified vulnerable king with an impenetrable jawline—is gaining awards buzz and buzz of a whole different kind. (Vibrators, obviously.) And women of all sexual orientations have been especially willing to portray tender masculinity in film and television, such as the sweetly horny hockey players in “Heated rivalry“, which debuted this year to great acclaim (from critics and clit).
But all of this is happening against a political backdrop that would lead you to believe that redefining masculinity is one of the greatest threats to our nation. The red-blooded “manosphere” is getting louder every day: it believes women shouldn't vote, transgender and gender non-conforming people are subhuman, and “real” masculinity is measured by brutality. The irony is that while far-right politicians, YouTubers, podcasters and streamers base their ideas on the perceived value of traditional gender roles, more and more men, like Reyes Peña, are taking advantage of the freedom given to them by the activists, mostly women, who came before.
Men didn't just wake up one day and decide to embrace their femininity, says Reyes Peña. “Women, and especially POC women,” are the reason why men feel more comfortable experimenting with their presentation. Their influence on culture as a whole, not just fashion, is felt every time someone like Reyes Peña gets dressed in the morning. “I hope this is understood,” he says.
While the performative man appropriates femininity and softness for cultural and sexual value, the girly guy finds the missing part of himself in the embrace of femininity.
Another author who talks about her women's outfits on the blog: Victor Arrudawhose page is full of inspirational speeches for other plus size men who are interested in fashion but feel anxious about getting dressed. He talks about how he dressed from “female gaze“—not an attempt to attract female attention, but rather the application of a feminine sensibility to the process of dressing—helped him develop a personal style that is more in tune with his natural figure, more interesting to look at and more comfortable.
While dressing for the male gaze creates “flat” outfits, he said in a recent video, dressing for the female gaze means experimenting with different silhouettes, textures and shapes to create something more personal, more artful.
On the internet, it can be tempting to write off someone like Arruda or Reyes Peña as a performative male. (And the faithful Reyes Pena big bag – which he claims he's been using since at least 2018, long before the trend began – doesn't help his case. Just give him a matcha latte and a book he doesn't actually read and he's practically a walking meme.) But where the performative man appropriates femininity and softness for cultural and sexual value, the girly guy finds the missing part of himself in his embrace of femininity. Yes, more women than ever are declaring their desire for men who are more feminine and active. But Reyes Pena doesn't dress this way because it's sexy or to compete with other men for women's attention. He, like other girly guys, is trying to unearth an authentic part of his personality that was once inaccessible.
“I want to dress like me feel“says Reyes Peña. “And I don't feel very masculine. That's why I dress for myself.”
Emma Glassman-Hughes (she/her) is an Associate Editor for PS Balance. During her seven years as a reporter, her beats covered the entire lifestyle spectrum; she has covered arts and culture for The Boston Globe, sex and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and food, climate and agriculture for Ambrook Research.
