The “Almost Won” Feeling and How It Shows Up in Love and Work

You don't need a slot machine to pursue this risky impulse. It penetrates into the most ordinary areas of life – love, work and even self-improvement. People are determined to strive for a denouement, for the completion of history. So when we are left in limbo, our brain cannot let go.

Let's take relationships for example. You meet someone, there's chemistry, maybe you even imagine how things will work out, but they don't. However, instead of moving on, your mind keeps going back. Why? Because it almost happened. This “what if” becomes a trap, repeating scenes that never actually played out.

The same thing happens in a career. You were shortlisted for a job, interviewed, but someone else got the offer. You are not angry; you put out. You imagine the life you almost lived. This near success lasts longer than a complete failure.

• Job interviews where you make it to the final round but don't receive an offer.

• Romantic affairs that disappear as soon as they start to seem real.

• Projects that fall apart right before launch.

• Business proposals that get the phrase “maybe later.”

• Creative work that gets shortlisted but never wins.

Everyone sows a small seed of unfinished business. And these seeds grow in strange and unpredictable ways.

Psychologists have studied this for years. They call it the “near-miss effect”—when a near-win makes you feel both rewarded and disappointed. Dopamine is activated because your brain senses success is nearby, even if you haven't actually achieved it. It tricks you into believing that you are getting better, that you are closer than ever.

That's why people keep trying. Whether it's pressing one more lever, sending one more message, or re-applying, a miss feels like progress. But the truth is that often what keeps us hooked is simply a clever scheme.

This third column—disappointment mixed with hope—is what fuels much of modern life.

It's strange how much of our world is built around a dangerous situation. Social networks, for example, play the same tune. You post something, you get likes – not enough, but almost. You refresh, expecting a few more. It's the same with career goals. You reach checkpoints, but continue to move towards the goal. This is how people burn out in pursuit of something that is never fully achieved.

The danger is that “almost” becomes an obsession. Constantly chasing can make you blind to what you have already achieved. You end up chasing ghosts—the job that almost happened, the partner that almost stayed, the project that almost succeeded.

Professional version

The work is not much different. Being close to success—a failed promotion, a nearly missed presentation—can eat you up. It makes you work harder, but sometimes not smarter. The trick is to learn when to let a failure motivate you and when to see it for what it is—a step, not a sign.

Here's the thing: progress doesn't always mean victory. It's about learning to walk away when the chase stops serving you.

1. Admit it. Don't downplay it – it really is. This bite means you cared.

2. Meditate, don't ruminate. Ask what worked and what didn't, and then move on.

3. Detach yourself from the result. Focus on the process; this is where growth happens.

4. Limit rewinding. The more you experience a loss, the more ingrained it becomes.

5. Turn it into fuel. Use the energy of disappointment to start something new.

The feeling of “almost winning” is not just about luck. It's about efforts, emotions and expectations colliding at the same moment. It is a mirror showing how much you wanted something. Whether it's love, career, or chance, that heartbeat of almost achieving a goal reminds us that we're still in the game—flawed, stubborn, and still hoping for the next chance.