Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I received a Christmas card and a beautiful early “gift proposal” from an old flame who lives in Mexico every winter. He invited me to come there and stay with him for two weeks. I'm not a fool! He must be lonely and in need of love – that's what we did best together.
He offered to send me a ticket. Of course, I would stay with him all the time. I'm tempted, but what if it turns out badly and I want to get out of there as quickly as possible?
— Seduced by the Sun, North End
Dear Sophisticated: If you subscribed to Tempted by the Man I Still Love, maybe you'd have a chance to meet again in sunny Mexico.
But if nothing has changed and made you a happier couple living under the same roof – sun or snow – don't leave! You'll just repeat the same mistakes you went through together in Canada, only you won't have friends and family to save you.
Even if you get along well at first, it's too much togetherness for an “insecure” couple. If you decide to go and take the risk, don't leave without an “open” ticket or enough money to fly home on whatever day you want to go home.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband, who cheated on me this fall, is my most painful problem. Oddly enough, I make his Christmas gifts from scratch as usual, putting a lot of love and effort into them. Why? I don’t know, but old habits die hard, but I’m an artist, and we’ve been married forever.
I understand that this is unhealthy, but for me the main question is: will this be our last Christmas together? He would deserve it! He's a brilliant man, but he hurt me so much. He simply calls his other women “stupid mistakes.”
Perhaps he is now tired of the “new” woman and needs me to beat the drum of family war and threaten him with retribution through our beloved children? What does he really want? I thought that maybe he just wants to get out of this marriage.
I offered to talk to the last “other” woman on behalf of the family she was destroying. He was shocked and even amazed. Then he wanted to know if I had ever had a lover. I just grinned slightly. But it's just a stupid game, isn't it?
This morning I woke up sick and tired. I stepped on the scale and within a month I had already lost seven pounds. So what can I do? I can't fall apart because our teenage children need me to be solid. Here's to a regular, old-fashioned Christmas!
— Unhappy Wife, St. James
Dear Unfortunate: Don't waste any more time creating fancy Christmas gifts to impress your traveling husband. His guilt will not make him love you more. Instead, focus on getting professional help for yourself now because this relationship is making you sick.
Right now, you need to know that help is on the way. So, contact your doctor about stress and sudden weight loss and ask about an urgent appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist. This will help you pull yourself together, clear up your current situation with your cheating husband, and start planning for a better future in the new year.
When it comes to accepting regular Christmas get-together invitations, when you're struggling to keep it together, forget about the unnecessary pressure. You'll just want the close friends and younger family members who love and support you to be a part of the holiday season this year.
Please send your questions and comments to [email protected] or Miss Lonelyhearts at the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Our newsroom depends on a growing readership to fuel our journalism. If you are not a paying reader, please consider become a subscriber.
Our newsroom depends on readership to fuel our journalism. Thanks for your support.
