Sundown Scaries: An Expert on New Parent Anxiety at Night

If you're a parent, you may already be familiar with the emotional shift that can occur when the sun goes down. You may feel fine during the day, but at night waves of anxiety may come in: “Am I a bad parent?” “Am I doing this right?” “Is there anything I could do better?”

As one new parent describes in viral videos on TikTok“I'm fine and happy all day, but as soon as it gets to 5pm and it gets dark, I just cry.” This is the moment of the day when you may feel the most alone in your parenting journey, spiraling through your new reality.

While you may never have a name for this feeling, many new parents are calling it the “dreaded sunset” on TikTok. And according to experts, this is a completely normal experience. But why are parents afraid of sunset? And is there a way to deal with these feelings? Child psychologist Sandra L. Whitehouse, Ph.D., explains below.

Experts featured in this article

Sandra L. WhitehousePhD, Deputy Clinical Director and Senior Psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

Why is sunset scary and why does it happen?

Scary sunset is a term many people use to describe the increased anxiety or sadness that can occur when the sun goes down. While this can most often happen to parents during the newborn stage, Dr. Whitehouse says sunset fears can occur at all stages of development, from infancy to adolescence.

While sunset fears may look different for each parent, the most common symptoms are increased anxiety, homesickness, loneliness and sadness. In the comments section of the aforementioned TikTok, one person said: “Homesick is the best way to describe it! “I told my husband that I felt like I was having a sleepover and I just wanted my dad to pick me up and take me home.” Another commenter shared: “Three days postpartum and I'm crying about everything. The thought that she would never be that small again? Crying. Random shower time? Crying. It's really a whirlwind of emotions.”

As for why this happens: Dr. Whitehouse says you can thank evolution for this feeling. “Night and twilight were dangerous times for our ancestors – predators came out during this time, our ancestors couldn't see, and when they went to bed they had less ability to monitor their environment,” Dr Whitehouse says. “Anxiety and hyper-awareness of the world around them helped them be prepared for approaching threats and helped them survive.”

In other words, your body (and emotions) may go into evolutionary mode to protect your babies. As one person mentioned in the TikTok comments: “Sunset is so annoying because it seems like everyone will be asleep except you. It makes you so anxious.”

It is also possible that you are experiencing a behavior change. “In the evenings, our 'rational mind' begins to shut down, allowing our 'emotional mind' to be more active and less driven by logic,” explains Dr Whitehouse. This is why you may worry or worry more about the challenges of parenting at night rather than during the day. “At night it will be like the end of the world. When the sun comes up, you'll know you're okay,” one person shared in the comments section of a TikTok video.

How to deal with sunset fears

First, understand that a scary sunset is normal. Recognizing that your experience isn't uncommon can help ease anxiety because you know you're not the only one who feels the same way, says Dr. Whitehouse. Once you've acknowledged your feelings, she recommends incorporating a routine into your evening that can provide structure.

In this routine, Dr. Whitehouse encourages you to take some rest. It may look whatever you want, but she suggests taking care of your body and physical health by exercising, listening to your favorite musical artist, spending time with your partner, and trying breathing exercises. “These practices tell our bodies that it's okay to relax and help counteract the natural build-up of anxiety that occurs at night,” explains Dr. Whitehouse.

It's also important to find and develop your community, as parenting can be a lonely experience. “Reach out to your close friends, communicate your needs to your partner, and become friends with new parents while sharing the joys and challenges of parenthood,” says Dr. Whitehouse.

If the scary feelings you experience around sunset begin to spread into the daytime, you may be experiencing… postpartum depression. According to Dr. Whitehouse, the difference between postpartum depression and fear of sunset is that “PPD symptoms are more common during the day, not just at sunset.” If you think you might have PPD or your sunset fears are starting to feel overwhelming, Dr. Whitehouse recommends consulting with a primary care provider or medical professional.

Ultimately, motherhood can be hit hardest after dark, so it's important to make room for your needs and rely on people who can keep those evening spirals under control. If you have the right tools and the right people, nights can be less scary than sunset.

Taylor Andrews is a senior editor at Popsugar magazine, specializing in topics including sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel and more. With eight years of editorial experience, Taylor has extensive experience in content creation and storytelling. Before joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.