‘Southern Charm’ Recap, Season 11, Episode 6

In this episode, Shepard Rose, a pumpkin who has developed organs, goes to visit his cousin Marcy and she questions him about when he plans to settle down – a question that women always ask on this show and then the men shrug as if throwing the question out into the stormy waters of the Atlantic. Wait. How do I know Marcy? Was she… on the show? I remember this show from season four (what am I doing with my life?) and I remember Danny, Chelsea, Cam and even Naomi's cat Gizmo, but there's just a black hole where Marcy should be. Was she in one of the COVID seasons? Science says we We are already losing memories of COVIDand perhaps this is where Marcy lives.

There were many more random scenes this week. Molly stopped by Whitney's Bell Shack just to give him an evil-flavored cupcake, and I loved every second of it. Whitner went to Craig and Austin's restaurant “By the Way” and they didn't even mention it was Craig and Austin's restaurant. We get a brief glimpse of my latest crush on Bravo, Craig's business partner Jerry, who I want to show an Excel spreadsheet to and then smother me with his hands as if they were Craig's two pillows. We met Charlie's sister, Davis Renee, whose name is either a complete sentence or the name of a skin care line we can't afford.

There were only two important scenes in this entire episode, and the first one was the one where Venita and Sally meet for drinks to talk about Sally's unrequited love for Craig. It was a heartbreaking scene because Sally comes and tells Venita that there's no way she's going to stop hanging out with Craig. Venita tells Sally all the right things, that Craig doesn't care about her, that he will “hold you and walk you like a dog on a leash until he's done with you and lets go of that leash”, and that he will break her heart. Sally says she needs to learn it on her own, but no, girl, you don't. Listen to your friend. Let her intervene. Take someone's advice for one thing in your life.

The ultimate irony is that we know that Sally is completely ruining her friendship with Venita, ruining her position in her friend group, and jeopardizing everything about a man who isn't even in love with her. He'd rather hang out with Charlie! Venita's best line of defense against Sally is to say that Sally wants to get married and have kids. If this is her ending, then Craig is not the one. He's on the show and admits that he'd take Paige back if she asked him, and she thinks he'll be the man to bear her a baby and then lead her into early retirement on his pillow fortune. He hasn't even kissed her yet and she's riding so hard for Craig. I mean, he has great hair, but Craig? Do I need to italicize this again? Craig?

Another scene of aftermath occurs at Patricia's annual gentlemen's dinner and chair-breaking competition, where again a chair is broken. This time it was Stephen, a newbie and English Nigerian doctor. Wait, why was this guy invited but Rodrigo, who is actually a member of the cast, wasn't? Is this something gay? Is this homophobia in action? Miss Pat needs a gay man to tell her that if the chairs keep breaking, it's time to either buy more chairs or more Ozempic, one or the other.

Everyone is well dressed for this white jacket dinner. No, wait. I take that back. Shep arrives wearing stained khakis, an orange striped shirt he bought at Tommy Bahama, a wound on his forehead from a road accident, and a white jacket on top. He looks like he's going to his first official fraternity event, and his date is his cousin Marcy, whom no one remembers. Whitner could also do better. He's all charm, but he's wearing a white jacket over a black shirt and a bow tie that looks like two ducks fucking. It's like he's dressed like a member of Mumford & Sons if they're playing at a state funeral. This is a series of choices that I don't understand at all.

At dinner, Patricia asks Austin when he and his girlfriend are going to get married, and he shrugs. Question bounces off and tries to find the churning waters of the Atlantic, but instead stops at a storm drain by the side of the road and decides to fester there until Austin simply breaks up with his girlfriend, who has already happened. There's not much conversation at dinner because Austin is in a relationship, Craig is babbling about how he has Sally and Charlie as options but really only likes the blonde, and we don't know anything about Steven. Things don't really get interesting until Austin asks Craig to go outside to chat.

Craig should be prepared for this conversation because he has been talking to his new ChatGPT therapist. I'm officially old, and while I'm not against AI, I don't really need it. I can Google and do my own research. I'm a professional writer, so I can usually get through something faster than I can find clues to get the AI ​​to write it for me. I don't have to come up with travel itineraries because I plan all my trips by searching “[City I’m visiting] “gay bar” and just keep doing it. Yeah, I don't understand AI and I always wonder who these people are that talk to it like it's their friend or use it as their therapist. Of course, this person is Craig. This fact must be very important because it makes all the sense. (I don't need an AI to tell me that a joke would work better out loud.)

My point is that ChatGPT shouldn't be your therapist, but honestly, it seems to be working for Craig. He reveals that he cried while talking on the phone because it made him realize that he needs to close the chapter on Paige and move on to sleeping with some villains who are clogging his hot tub drain with their extension cords. But then again, he also says he'll get back to Paige, so, I don't know, maybe that realization isn't as good as he thinks it is.

This also causes him to apologize to Austen for being scared of him at Whitner's literary party, which both he and Austen are still angry about. I don't believe this apology at all because in his confessional Craig says that Austen's problem is not with him; it's with himself for having a bad relationship. It's so much like Craig is shirking responsibility like the woman just asked him when he and his girlfriend would get married. Craig asks for some “cute” from Austen, and I feel like “cute” is gaslighting 2026 and I want her to crack in half like one of Miss Pat’s dining room chairs. Craig says he regrets that he misses being with Austen and is upset that his outburst caused so much damage.

Austin accepts his apology, but he is right in warning that he can no longer put up with Craig and his instability. He says he doesn't know when Craig will laugh at one of his digs or if he's going to flip his wig like RuPaul's Drag Race a tourist bus flies off a cliff. He says they're fine until Craig snaps at him again, but come on, we don't need a ChatGPT therapist to know that this is inevitable. Craig is like a mousetrap, and the spring is cocked. He could sit there for hours, days, weeks, just as rodents bite off small pieces of cheese without setting it on fire. But just as the waves break on the shore, scattering questions about when bad people will get married, so in the end this source will burst, and with it someone's neck will break.