Common practices of self-sabotage and self-harm, such as procrastination, perfectionism, or bullying others, may seem destructive and pointless, but may actually have a logical evolutionary explanation.
There is more detail in the new book by Charlie Heriot-Maitland. Controlled explosions in mental healthThe clinical psychologist and author explains how self-sabotaging behavior occurs because our brains are trying to protect us from unpredictable harm because they are programmed to survive at all costs.
To break these unpleasant habits, understanding their origins as coping mechanisms and adaptations to past life experiences can help reduce self-blame and allow us to break the vicious cycle.
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Designed for survival, not happiness
Unfortunately, our brain's main goal is not to make us happy, but to ensure our survival. This means that, at best, it will exist in a predictable world, without too many surprises, Heriot-Maitland explained in her report. book announcement.
Make the situation a controllable and predictable situation. unknown (and therefore threatening) circumstancesThe brain sometimes resorts to questionable behavior, all in the name of protecting us.
“Our brains would rather we be the arbiters of our own downfall than risk being confused by something external. It would rather that we are well-rehearsed in dealing with internally generated hostility than risk being unprepared for it by others,” he said.
Because we are programmed to detect danger everywhere, not just physical but also emotional, we operate with a “highly sensitive threat detection and response system.”
Procrastination, perfectionism and self-blame for protection
So how does self-sabotage manifest itself today, in a world without many physical threats, such as saber-tooth tigers lurking under the canopy? Most often this manifests itself in the form of procrastination, perfectionism and self-criticism.
Perfectionism and procrastination are often presented as two sides of the same coin. Both divert our attention from important and potentially dangerous tasks, either by over-focusing on trivial details or by avoiding the immediate task altogether to avoid failure. Many people are also familiar with increased self-criticism; By constantly blaming ourselves, we hope to regain our sense of agency.
A common result of self-sabotaging behavior is the creation of self-fulfilling prophecies, where negative expectations influence behavior and ultimately the outcome of a situation.
“If we think we're not doing well at something, we may not try our best and end up doing worse than if we had made a different prediction,” Heriot-Maitland explained. “Or, if we think someone doesn't like us and we avoid them, then our fear of rejection can get in the way of forming a relationship.”
Self-compassion instead of self-criticism
One way to break the vicious cycle is to recognize that such destructive behavior has a protective origin and is supported by millions of years of neural evolution. “Controlled explosions” are often associated with difficult life experiences from our past, and by repeatedly expressing them, they become a way of protecting us from deeper wounding.
However, this does not mean that we should simply accept self-sabotaging behavior and move on. Instead, Heriot-Maitland suggests that in order to reach the psychological “core”, we need to switch gears and become more compassionate with yourself, and this is a process that takes time.
“We don't want to fight this behavior, but we also don't want to appease it and allow it to continue to control, dictate and sabotage our lives. We have a choice here.”
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