My wife and I don’t have sex and she refuses to talk about it. Should I just give up? | Sex

My wife and I have been together for over 10 years. and married four. We have small children. I love her deeplybut our marriage is essentially empty sex and physical intimacy, and she refusesIt's worth talking about it rather than just admitting there's a problem. I am a woman who values ​​physical intimacy and I'm deeply attracted to her. I want to feel more wanted and alive. But lovemaking is extremely rare, always initiated by me. and follows the same pattern. She's not trying to please me. The rest of the time I get rejected and feel ashamed and unattractive. Even the lightest playful or promising messages I send greeted with silence. So I worry less and less.

Naturally I want to know what happens for her. We already have pairs therapy, but this is not a topic that we have successfully dealt with. Outside in these sessions my attempts to discuss it are either avoided or met with anger. Do Am I just giving up after so many years of trying and failing to do something better? I can't forget my needs and desires just because they are not reciprocated.

I wonder why you don't insist on sexuality in your couples therapy sessions? Sex is often an expression of your entire relationship and should not be ignored in a therapeutic setting. This may be difficult to discuss and discuss, but it is obvious that you have strong feelings about the lack of intimacy, and you are obviously sad and filled with longing. If you don't give space to this enormous sense of loss and shame you feel, you are dooming yourself to continue living in quiet desperation and jeopardizing the longevity of your marriage. You deserve to be heard.

Pamela Stevenson Connolly is an American psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of sexual disorders.

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