I fight in a different way my parents treated me and my brother. My dad started business when I was five. Now this's worth several million. My father invited my brother to go into business when he graduated from university. I wasn't. Besidesru, the business was well established, and my dad remained as general director. My dad gave my brother 80% This. Now he will sell the business and understand millionswhich means he can retire early.
My dad helped me pay for university and buy a house. He told me that I would inherit the house and all the remaining money. When my parents have passed away, which will probably happen in about 20 years. I doubt that anything will remain.
My dad he said I'll leave my child and my brother daughter some money too much. According to him, these will be equal amounts. How “Everything should be fair and equal.” Considering my brother has millions and his daughter will never have financial problems, I believe this makes the situation even more unequal. It really hurts.
I'm struggling to pay off my mortgage and have a hard time meeting basic expenses. My brother always received a high salary from business, and An extremely luxury lifestyle including a second home.
When Iraised this issue with my parents, mewas repeatedly said I'm terribly ungrateful. Both I think that since my brother worked in business and I didn't, I don't deserve share in this. I feel that if my brother's work had been done by another employee, he would not have been given 80% this.
I I'm a doctor and I work a lot. I regularly help my dad with health problems, but no matter what I do in my life career or personal life, I feel terribly detached. How can I come to terms with this?
I felt a pang of injustice in your letter and wondered why there hadn't been better conversations before. But this is what happens when families don't sit down and discuss such important issues.
I went to see UKCP registered psychotherapist Michelle Briggs. She said: “Money can often be an indicator of other things going on in a relationship. What stood out to me in your letter was the idea that you feel terribly rejected and second-class in your family. It sounds like you measure your self-worth based on the money your parents give you, when in fact you feel emotionally neglected.”
It seemed that your father's foray into the business had not been easy, so Briggs wondered if your early years were marked by financial problems that you picked up from your parents. Did it bother you back then that you weren't invited into the family business, or is it only now that you feel excluded?
Briggs noted that your parents made “a very large contribution to your home and paid for your education, although this is only a small part of what was given to your brother, so it is not that they did not care at all.” They also leave you the house in their will, as well as anything that may remain.
But the main theme of your letter is that you believe that your parents prefer your brother to you. I can't make it any better for you. You say you don't want to talk to them, but I'm wondering if you could address the imbalance you feel without mentioning money?
Briggs felt this might be a chance to think about what kind of relationship you would want with your family. “It will take courage, and there is a risk that you might hear something you don't like, but expressing your feelings while doing so will still help you move on.”
What would make everything good for you? Is there an imaginable scenario that would improve the situation, and is it achievable? I wonder how your brother sees all this?
You won't get rid of these feelings of injustice until you talk to your parents, but you don't have to focus on the money, and it can help if you acknowledge what they've done for you, even if you don't think it's fair.
Each week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal issue submitted by a reader. If you need Annalisa's advice, please send your problem to: [email protected]. Annalisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our conditions. The latest episode of Annalisa's podcast is now available Here.
