When an activist, Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai she was fifteen, shot by a member of the Taliban for advocating girls' education—an event that, as she writes in “I'm looking for my way“, her new memoir, plunged her into an “unfamiliar, unwelcome life.” For many years she was overcome by “the feeling that a giant hand had torn me out of one story and thrown me into a completely new one.” In her book, Yousafzai recalls the aftermath of this incident and traces the process of reconciling her personal sense of herself as an “awkward teenager” with the public image of her as a “mythical heroine, virtuous and obedient.” She writes about her mother, too, fondly remembering her contradictions—at once generous and stern, brave and conservatistic—and her influence. Yousafzai recently sent us some notes about books she liked about mother-daughter relationships. Her remarks have been lightly edited.
What will Babylon be like?
Safiya Sinclair
This searing memoir follows a woman's struggle to escape her harsh Rastafarian upbringing in Jamaica. As I read it, I was reminded of the mothers I have seen in patriarchal societies around the world—women who silently bear the burdens of home and the subjugation of their husbands, while equipping their daughters with the skills and determination they need to break free. Although Sinclair's father forbade her to express herself, her mother quietly gave her books of poetry, teaching her the liberating power of literature. Thus, Sinclair's mother set her on the path of a writer.
Minor characters
Joyce Johnson
The lives of the unseen and unsung young women of the Beat Generation are the focus of this remarkable coming-of-age memoir, written by writer who dated Jack Kerouac in her twenties. While the book deftly evokes the era, much of the focus is on Johnson's childhood and how she had to cope with her overbearing mother's ambitions to become a famous composer.
When Johnson was twelve, she was forced to sit at the piano for several hours a day, although even then she knew that she had neither talent nor “feeling” for music. However, she played music into adulthood – and it was only when an older composer told her that if she didn't like playing, she should stop, that Johnson found the strength to choose her own dream.
I think Johnson's story can be relatable to daughters from many cultures and contexts – the story of a mother who smothers her child with ideas about who she should be, rather than accepting who she is.
Little panic
Amanda Stern
Stern's memoir recounts her experiences with childhood panic disorder. The book, both painful and funny, is ultimately a moving account of how helpless parents can feel when their children suffer. Stern's mother was often unstable and emotionally withdrawn, which increased Stern's fear of abandonment. But it's also clear that Stern's mother didn't know how to help her daughter, even though she wanted her to feel better. I know my mom felt the same confusion when I was struggling with my mental health, and Little Panic helped me empathize with her—understand how frustrating it must be for parents when they can't solve the problems in their child's head.
This American woman
Author: Zarna Garg
People tend to think of mother-daughter relationships as relationships in which influence flows in one direction: mothers shape their daughters in ways that can be both good and bad. But in this book the influence goes in the other direction. Garg was a housewife in her forties when her teenage daughter Zoya noticed that Garg seemed to be yearning for a life beyond doing laundry and cooking. Indeed, Garg had long dreamed of becoming a stand-up comedian, but thought it was too late. However, due to Zoe's persistence, Garg reluctantly agreed to give it a try, signing up for an open mic in the basement of a Mexican restaurant. Now, several years later, Garg has a successful career in comedy, thanks in part to Zoya's faith in her.
