More than a decade after Malala Yousafzai was shot in the head on a bus in Pakistan and became a global activist for women's rights in the Middle East, she has reinvented herself – in her own words.
“There's more to my life,” she tells TODAY.com, explaining that her new memoir, Finding My Way, explores her “journey as a college student, finding friends, finding love and learning more about my activism and talking about mental health.”
In her book, she says, “it’s important that people get to know the real me”: “It’s not just about my ideal version of an activist. This is a more real version of me.”
“My story was already known to the public, and I think it's a very one-dimensional story related to something that happened to me when I was 15,” she continues. “I had been defined by Taliban shooting for so long that I wanted to tell more about myself.”
In October 2012, Yousafzai was targeted by Taliban members. subsequent years of social activity and national recognition in Pakistan. The shooting attracted worldwide attention and further fueled Yousafzai's activism, resulting in her being named one of TIME magazine's “100 Most Influential People in the World” in 2013. The following year, at the age of 17, Yousafzai received the Nobel Peace Prize for her fight for the rights of youth to education.
When asked what she considers the most misunderstood part of her story, Yousafzai replies: “I'm actually a funnier person than people think.”
“I actually enjoy moments of laughter and joy,” she says. “It's one of the ways I cope with the workload and everything I've been through. I like to spread joy.”
Before the shooting that changed the course of her life, Yousafzai says she was a “fun, funny and interesting” child growing up in Pakistan, adding that she was even “a little mischievous” and “loved getting into trouble.”
But once she moved to the UK to attend Oxford University, “everything changed”.
“I felt I had to live up to the expectations of being an activist. I had won so many awards and titles at such a young age that I thought maybe this all meant I couldn't be a normal girl anymore,” Yousafzai explains. “I think I haven’t been true to myself as an activist.”
Going into college, Yousafzai says she had “the wrong idea of what an activist's life should look like,” which she believes meant she didn't have access to “normal things” like making friends and falling in love.
“Somehow you need to be stronger and braver in everything. You can't have moments of breakdowns, moments of self-doubt,” she says. In difficult times, she told herself: “No, you have to be brave and strong, and you are not going to feel any different.”
However, during her time at Oxford, perceptions of Yousafzai were destroyed and reconstructed.
She tells TODAY.com: “I fell in love, I made friends, I had a mental health crisis – it all happened at once. I felt like a different person and I'm grateful for that because it helped me grow.”
How friendship, a bong, therapy and love changed Malala Yousafzai's life
According to Yousafzai, when she first came to Oxford, she “signed up for every club and society” to meet as many people as possible, even though she found it “quite awkward and awkward” at the time. She adds: “I don't regret it.”
“I had a hard time making friends, I had a hard time experiencing those normal moments of joy,” she continues. “That's why I made a conscious choice to socialize over socializing over college because I wanted to make friends. I wanted to connect with my old self and somehow relive my childhood when I was 20 years old.”
She assumed her classmates would expect her to be “a very serious and boring person, which I only talk about activism,” Yousafzai says, adding: “I also thought that people couldn't approach me thinking I had nothing to say to be part of their circle of friends.”
Feeling the need to “live up to the expectations” she felt others had already placed on her, Yousafzai says she realized that people can “internalize expectations so much that we lose personal identity.”
She explains that she had to “unlearn a lot” about who she thought she was.
Once Yousafzai found her people, the “weaning” began.
“Friendships actually changed me as a person,” she says, noting that the people she surrounded herself with provided “the safest place” to truly express herself without judgment.
One evening, as her friends smoked from a bong, Yousafzai says she decided to try it for the first time, not expecting to be taken back seven years ago, to October 2012.
“It brought back memories of the Taliban attack,” she says. “Then after that I started having panic attacks and anxiety and it continued for months.”
When her friend suggested she see a therapist, Yousafzai says she resisted, explaining that talking about mental health is “taboo” and “there's a lot of stigma associated with it.”
“I remember my first therapy session. I told the therapist all the problems I was having and then I said, 'Okay, give me the medicine. Let's just fix it,” Yousafzai laughs. “She helped me understand that it wasn't like that. It's really a process.”
Through therapy, Yousafzai was able to redefine the concepts of “bravery”, saying that she now understands that “when you decide to still do what you believe in, even in those difficult moments, perhaps that is true courage and bravery.”
During her therapeutic journey, Yousafzai faced another emotional challenge: She fell in love.
“I was excited, I was delighted, but I was also scared and worried,” Yousafzai recalled of falling in love with her now-husband Asser Malik.
According to her, in Pakistani culture, a couple should not live together until they tie the knot. According to Yousafzai, because she wanted to live with Malik, she suddenly had to make a “difficult and overwhelming” decision regarding marriage.
“I was so afraid of marriage growing up because I saw girls being married off when they were still in school and it just meant that their future, their dreams were taken away. But I also knew that marriage meant more compromises for women in their careers and in many other things in their lives,” she says. “For some reason, the very concept of marriage as an institution just scared me.”
In addition to her research, which included reading many books by “amazing feminist authors,” Yousafzai says specific conversations with Malik ultimately led to her agreeing to marry him — “and I don’t regret it for a second.”
“I knew he was the one because he respected me a lot. He made me feel comfortable. Of course we were in love, but I started loving myself and that was a big change,” Yousafzai says. “So when you are with the right person, life becomes more beautiful.”
Reflections on 15-year-old Malala Yousafzai
It's been 13 years since Yousafzai was shot dead by the Taliban when she was just 15. Now 28, she has a message for this teenage girl.
“I was very strong and determined when I was young, and I want to tell her that I am still determined, but I have grown a lot over the years,” Yousafzai says. “I know there were moments of difficulty, but it all shaped me into the person I am today.”
“I am a young woman and I am very happy with where I am because I am fighting for the right to education for every girl, because I too was once shot for speaking up for girls and was banned from studying,” she continues.
“So I want to see this change for girls everywhere so that no girl has to witness this. And I'm trying to do everything I can to make the world a better place for girls like you.”
Finding My Way, Yousafzai's newest memoir, was released on October 21.
