I feel harmful fear of judgments and is negatively perceivedThe field that grew up in the household, where the mockery was the norm, I believe that this left a long mark in my psyche, which led to the fact that I was afraid to act out of fear of mockery, contempt or negative judgment. I feel that this strongly delays my social and romantic life, preventing me from starting long -term friendship and relationships. I want to abandon this, but gnawed fear holds me.
I spend my unemployed days and hours growing in my house and alone. It is important to note that this fear does not overcome me when I work, and in fact it is comfortable to bring large groups of people and meet new people. I think this is because when I am at work, I know where I am and I have a certain goal. However, in my personal life whenever I tried to accept such thinking, it failed. How else can I overcome this fear?
Eleanor says: There are all types of things that we could mumble in our brain to reassure the fear of being judgment. You could indicate that almost no one looks at you; Basically, people are too wrapped in themselves. You could indicate that you already know that you are competent from how you rise to work; probably not so much To Fuck you. You can stroke and calm your brain with evidence of what he is afraid of is very, very unlikely.
Another accepts – to tell yourself: you know that this can happen. People may think that you are mistaken, or stupid or cringe. They can laugh at what you have done. They can talk about you when you are not in the room.
Now what?
Will they be right because they think about it? Are their eyes more than yours? Will they look at you in some way to mean that you should look at them? Will make you want to go to them for advice, or hope that you can be more like them?
Or will they still be just a guy in the last accounting?
It can be so difficult to see when you grew up without confidence. Each new possible hole can feel as frightening as the first rejection of people who should make you feel safe. But these people are not your parents or your bosses. Even your parents were not your superiors. Everyone who can mock you is just some kind of guy whose views on you do not matter anymore than yours.
The phrase completely formed in my head once many years ago, when I distorted myself to the nodes, so as not to judge by the sexist way: “Punishment will be easier to withstand than what we do to avoid them.” You pay your life so as not to mock. Is this price worth it?
Of course, you do not think it is. Like most of us, who once avoided things from the fear of the reaction of others, I know that you do not really consider mockery more important than living your life. None of us thinks that it is worth sacrificing freedom, romance and friendship to guarantee that we will not laugh at that. It’s just that this fear creates protective habits, and protective habits make us act from our values. The more fear, the greater the habit, the worse the deformation.
Therapy can help you return your actions in accordance with your judgments about what you really value.
You have at least one space – work – where fear leaves you alone, and you can act without encumbrance. A good therapist could help you tell you more about why this working role feels free. They could help you convey this feeling to the rest of your life. I know expensive and burdensome therapy, but it sounds as if you really suffer from this fear. If you receive professional help for a physical symptom that caused such great suffering, it makes sense to get professional help for emotional.
It took a lot of courage to write this letter. Another type of courage can be to practice the assessment of your own judgments about yourself as much as other people.
