Rachel Feltman: For Scientific American's Science fast I'm Rachel Feltman.
We've all heard apologies that sound empty and apologies that sound sincere, but what's the difference? New research shows that the words we choose when we apologize can signal how much effort we put into making things right, and that perceived effort has a big impact.
Why an apology sounds authentic explains Shiri Lev-Ari, assistant professor of psychology at Royal Holloway, University of London.
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Thank you so much for coming to chat today.
Shiri Lev-Ari: Thank you for having me.
Feltman: So you recently wrote an article about something that I think a lot of our listeners are thinking about a lot, especially in the Internet age. [laughs]: The idea of an apology and what makes it sincere. Can you tell me a little about your research background and how you came to this question?
Lev-Ari: Yes, I am a language researcher, but I am particularly interested in language when it has a social aspect, to see how it helps in social functions and [is] influenced by social information. And I came to the apology because I find apologies quite interesting and strange. This is what is called cheap talk because anyone can apologize whether they mean it or not – it doesn't cost them anything – so you think it will be meaningless, but in fact it is meaningful. So I was interested in trying to think [about] what people do with language to really help convince the other person that they really mean their apology.
Feltman: Yes, well, and in the article you talk about this concept of iconicity. Can you explain what this is for our listeners?
Lev-Ari: Yes, iconicity is when—or at least specifically in colloquial language—it is when the sounds or shape of a word resemble the meaning. So, some very easy to understand examples: for example, sound /I/ really associated with small size. So think about the words “small” or “tiny” to make those sounds actually sound small, and we do know that in all the languages of the world, the word “small” is much more likely to sound like “small”. /I/ than you expected by chance.
Feltman: Hmm, and how does this relate to the idea of appreciating an apology?
Lev-Ari: So usually when people talk about iconicity, what they're really thinking about is the inherent iconicity of it, so the form of the word always conveys that meaning. So, for example, “a little” will always sound small, and it doesn’t matter in what context you say “a little”; it will sound petty.
And what I was interested in – well, in the context of an apology – I was more interested in how people try to convey effort in that context. Thus, they will use words that, in context, express the fact that they actually put effort into their apology, although in other contexts these words may not necessarily reflect effort.
Feltman: And why is effort so important when it comes to giving and hearing an apology?
Lev-Ari: So the thing is, we know that with a real apology, people usually do what people usually do to convince the other person that they really mean their apology, actually put effort into the apology. So I'll give you an example that comes from real research but is very, very intuitive.
So, imagine that you are reading about a case where there are two students and one of them accidentally did something that hurt the other without realizing it at the time, and later when they found out, there are two options. Or the second they found out, they went to where the other person is taking class, even though they don't take that class and don't need to be there, so they actually inconvenienced themselves and took the time and effort to just go and apologize as soon as possible. In another case, they apologize to another student the next time they see him. And when you ask someone, “Okay, which of the two is the student more apologetic or more implied apologetic?” it's kind of obvious [it’s] when they make an effort and inconvenience themselves.
So, there's actually a lot of intuitive evidence that the effort you put in actually reflects the fact that you're sorry. And what I was trying to do is [determine] Can I also find it in the language itself – so are people really trying to convince the other person that they are sorry by using words that are harder to pronounce to show “See how much effort I put into my apology?”
Feltman: Yes, and what ways are there to speak in a way that requires more effort? Is it just about word length or is there something else that could be going on?
Lev-Ari: What's interesting is that there are two factors that really influence how difficult a word is to pronounce. One of them is word length, so this is obvious: obviously you have to spend more time and perform more motor actions to pronounce or type a word. Another factor that really matters is how common the word is. So some words are much more common than others and are actually much easier to pronounce. This made them easier to remember, and even after you remember them, it was actually easier to say the more frequent words.
So, there are two options for what apologizers can do. First, you might think, “Okay, maybe they'll use very long words and also very sparse words to show, 'Look how much effort I put into this.' But the problem is that it only thinks about the person apologizing and does not think about the other person.
Now, if you are also thinking about making an effort for the other person, then long words are ideal. They're very, very difficult to pronounce, but they're actually very, very easy to understand—perhaps even more so than shorter words because they tend to be more different from other words and you have more time to process them. So it's great that you're making an effort, and the listener doesn't really have to make any effort.
But rare words are actually difficult for both the person saying them and the listener, so you might think that if you're a sophisticated apologetic person, you won't want to use them because you want to burden yourself rather than the recipient. So perhaps a sophisticated apologizer will use long words but avoid low-frequency words.
Feltman: Um, yeah, that makes sense.
Can you tell us a little about how you approached researching this issue?
Lev-Ari: Yes, I did two studies, and in the first one I wanted to look at what people actually do in the real world. So I went on social media, specifically Twitter, and looked at apology tweets compared to other tweets from the same people, and I looked at both celebrities and non-celebrities, just to see that it doesn't really matter who apologizes. And in both cases, I found that people used longer words when apologizing, but did not use rare words. This way, they are actually placing the burden on themselves rather than the other person.
And then I try to figure out, “Okay, is this strategy even effective?” Then I did an experiment where I showed people different versions of an apology that essentially had the same meaning—they just differed in the length and frequency of the words. So think about things like, “My actions do not reflect my true self,” or “My actions do not reflect my true character.” They mean the same thing, but, you know, “character” versus “self,” “represent” versus “reflect” are longer words. And essentially, people had to rank different apologies of the same meaning from most apologetic to least apologetic. And we found that when apologies contained longer words, people rated them as more apologetic, but they didn't care about frequency.
So this actually matches what we found on Twitter. It seems that everyone basically seems [to think]“Okay, long words do reflect apology, and it’s actually the effort that the speaker puts in.” But people don't really pay attention to word frequency because it's difficult for everyone, so it's not really something that an apologizer should do.
Feltman: What other questions are you hoping to answer about this topic? Do you have any further research planned?
Lev-Ari: So what I'm really trying to do right now is look at expressing gratitude and asking for help and try to see in a similar way, “How do people manipulate their speech to actually help their message be more effective?”
So even after we ignore what word – like meaning – they're trying to use, how by just doing things like “maybe” like using a higher tone instead of a lower one to show, like, more warmth, submissiveness and the like, how do they similarly show how they feel or their position towards the other person?
Feltman: I'm curious if this research has changed the way you interpret or perceive celebrity apologies that appear in the news?
Lev-Ari: Oh, celebrity, sorry. I don't know; I'm trying to remember if any famous celebrities have apologized lately. But people ask me if I do that in my speech now, and I have to say that… I think I'll inevitably pay attention to it, but it actually worries me because it seems like we all do it naturally, and I worry that if I really overthink it, I might actually do it wrong and not as well as I do it naturally.
Feltman: [Laughs.] Well, I was going to ask you what advice you would give to people who want their sincere apologies to be heard as effectively as possible, but it seems the best we can do is just express our apologies and take care of making amends. Would you say this is correct? [laughs]?
Lev-Ari: Yes, and I think that if we really try, we will naturally find that the words we use are the ones that are most effective.
Feltman: Well, thank you very much for coming to talk about this research. It was very interesting.
Lev-Ari: Thank you for having me. Glad to be here.
Feltman: That's all for today's episode. Join us again on Friday to learn about the complex history of testing how common medications can affect pregnancy.
Science fast I am producing, Rachel Feltman, along with Fonda Mwangi and Jeff DelViccio. This episode was edited by Alex Sugiura. Shayna Posses and Aaron Shattuck check the facts on our show. Our theme song was composed by Dominic Smith. Subscribe to Scientific American for more relevant and in-depth science news.
For Scientific American This is Rachel Feltman. See you next time!
