You've carefully prepared for a presentation at work and are now sharing your wisdom with a packed room. As you'd expect, your co-workers seem stunned and fascinated, except for the guy in the front row. He looks confused. Mid-sentence, you try to give him your megawatt smile, but he seems even more confused, maybe even a little angry. Your voice is shaking.
Yes, the guy in the front row may hate you. More likely, however, you've just experienced what some psychologists and body language experts call RBF, or “rested anxious face.” (Internet memes use a harsher term.) It is a facial expression that the wearer considers neutral while others consider irritated or disapproving.
Misreading facial expressions is not a trivial task. This is part of a deeper problem: more and more, People feel misunderstood. They find it Stronger communicate authentically, which leads to isolation and alienation it could undermine mental And physical health.
But learning to better understand other people's facial expressions can improve your communication and relationships.
Why do people misjudge facial expressions?
Misreading facial expressions can be due to unrealistic expectations we place on others, as well as differences in how people and cultures outwardly express themselves and interpret facial expressions.
People at their core pretty good notice changes in other people's facial expressions. “We can identify every little movement,” says Aleix Martinez, an entrepreneur and former professor of cognitive science at Ohio State University who previously worked as a senior scientist at Amazon.
However, we are less experienced in understanding the meaning of these changes. “We often cannot identify the affect or emotion being conveyed,” Martinez says.
If only people kept their facial expressions cartoonishly clear, frowning and smiling. In reality, dozens of expressions mix emotions in unique ways. And these subtleties called micro- or meso-expressionsvary from one culture to the next one and also among people within every culture.
Read more: Can creatine keep your brain sharp?
Given all these nuances, it is risky to assume that you know someone's feelings from a fleeting glance. “Most of the time we're just making our best guess,” says Mark Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of two books on the subject. Permission to feel And Working with feelings.
These divisions may be widening in the Internet age, especially as the identities we portray on social media diverge from our true selves,” says Vanessa Van Edwards, a science communicator who wrote the book. Captivate: The Science of Success in Working with People. If people digitally see you laughing while riding on the beach with a bunch of your best friends, they assume you're an extrovert, even if you're an introvert who would never ride in public again.
When meeting in person, they may perceive your neutral face as calm and worried compared to your online personality. “This makes face-to-face communication even more difficult,” Van Edwards says. “You still have a lot of misinterpretations.”
While teaching a course on social interaction at Harvard University in 2025, Van Edwards surveyed her students about why they felt misunderstood. They had different reasons, but no one challenged the basic premise of the question. Everyone felt misunderstood.
And when we lack strong social connections, it can harm wellness, heart health and longevity.
Add missing context
Part of the problem is how rarely people познакомиться each other beyond superficiality, even if they interact frequently. As a result, we lack a critical background that could explain these seemingly unexpected arches of the eyebrows and wrinkles on the nose. “If you don't have a quality relationship, you don't know how that person expresses themselves,” Brackett says.
Work is a prime example of this. “At your job, the employer may misinterpret your facial expression because they have no idea who you are,” Martinez says. “It doesn't matter how many years you worked there. They don't have the details of your life.”
Van Edwards was recently excited to interview a job candidate, but throughout the conversation he was faced with the resting, worried face of a man. The subsequent interview went better, and Van Edwards learned that the candidate was wincing in pain from wearing borrowed shoes that were too tight.
Read more: The light is brighter than ever. Is it harmful to your eyes?
The more stable parts of the context are life history and personality. Researchers have found that adults exposed to childhood abuse are more likely to detect negative emotions than those without such trauma. Moreover, people who prone to anger or are more likely to interpret neutral facial expressions as negative, and those with more stress and negative emotions higher sensitivity to negative faces.
Familiarity with such a background can help make face reading more accurate. After his 30-year-old partner talks to his mother on the phone, Brackett recognizes the topic of their conversation just by looking at his face. “The closer your relationship, the better you are at recognizing true emotions,” he says.
But people have a hard time finding the time, let alone 30 years, to scratch these interpersonal surfaces, Brackett explains. It may feel awkward to ask how someone you know is feeling; It's emotionally safer to ignore their worried face, Brackett says.
This manifests itself in our expressions, non-verbal behavior and words. “People want to interact with others who are nonjudgmental, good listeners, and compassionate, including a warm expression,” Brackett notes. However, he found that such supportive relationships were often lacking; for example, only about half of us have them with work colleagues.
How to express yourself better
At this point, you may be wondering what exactly your facial expression is communicating to the world. Experts recommend several steps for self-discovery and improvement.
One rather awkward option is to “self-audit,” as Van Edwards put it while watching his video. Record a real video call with other people, and then watch your facial expressions. What messages does your face send?
Another self-control strategy is to ask others for feedback. “For some people it's very difficult because it feels like an attack on their character,” Brackett says. “Others use learner mode because they really want to express themselves to others in a way that is most helpful.”
Read more: Should you shower in the morning or evening?
If you find yourself with an anxious face, Van Edwards says you don't have to try to banish it, especially if the expression helps you concentrate and process information. “Just keep it in mind so you can clarify it verbally,” she suggests. While wincing in deep thought, you might say to the other person, “Let me think about that for a second.” They will know to ignore what might otherwise be perceived as anger.
To further soften a calm, worried face, use positive body language, such as good eye contact, which research shows can lead to a positive reaction—and a nod. Tilt your head towards another person indicates attentiveness and diligence.
Van Edwards has worked with managers who wear a cold, intimidating expression but wonder why employees are avoiding them. “You can balance these signals with warmth,” she says.
First of all, use these adjustments to better express your feelings. “Counterfeiting backfires,” says Van Edwards. “You must be sincere.”
Deciphering other people's facial expressions
The problem of misreading facial expressions is a two-way street; This is a problem for both the expresser and the observer. You can develop certain skills to more accurately understand what facial cues actually mean.
We can become more knowledgeable about subtle expressions. For example, find lower eyelid curve To determine whether a person is annoyed (like the guy in the front row) or just concentrating on what you're saying, Van Edwards says. When people concentrate, they strengthen the lower eyelid; the area under the eyes becomes more elastic. If someone is genuinely annoyed, you're unlikely to notice.
Read more: The Amazing Health Benefits of Spicy Foods
In general, you need to focus on the other person's eyes. In addition to creating a mutual sense of connection, paying close attention can improve your “decoding abilities,” Van Edwards says. We are inclined watch your lips to detect certain emotions such as joy, but the mouth can be misleading. (People often misinterpreted for example, a contemptuous look in the form of a half-smile.) Research shows that eye contact is the key to satisfaction of social interactions And activates social parts brain
It may seem obvious, but the best way to practice reading other people is to have more personal experience with other people. Martinez says he learned to read other people's faces at Amazon by spending most of his time interacting with employees. “These are skills you need to develop,” he says.
And give people the benefit of the doubt. “If you think you see a worried face resting, keep watching to get more data about the face,” Martinez says. Small patterns of expression tell little about how others feel. “It's a dynamic system,” explains Martinez, with constant adjustments to initial misinterpretations. “We understand expressions better with more information.”
Eventually, you may notice that a sour face is not unique to you or what you say. But if you still feel dissatisfied and irritated, you can always ask the other person if everything is okay. – So what's with the stink eye? this is not the best option. Do this in a spirit and tone of compassion rather than confrontation.
Or just let it go, Martinez says. “Ninety percent of the time there is a reason behind a negative facial expression that has nothing to do with what you think it means.”
