How do you celebrate the end of the year?
Office parties can be a tedious task, but if you're self-employed, they can easily be moved from one year to the next without ceremony. Three years ago, two friends and I were mourning the lack of holidays and decided to make up for it by hosting our own end-of-year dinner.
It became a beacon on my calendar: We find a restaurant we've been wanting to try, book a half-day off, and count down to the date. It always feels special and memorable.
That's the power of ritual, says Erin Koop, a transformational coach and author of I Can Fit It: How Rituals Change Your Life. She defines rituals as “intentional, rhythmic choices” that bring us energy, presence, and meaning.
At this time of year, it is customary to take stock and set intentions for the next year. But rituals aren't just for special occasions, says Koop—they can improve everyday life. Here are her tips for creating more meaning during the holiday season and beyond.
Instead of spending money, find meaning
According to Coupe, rituals are defined not only by repetition, structure and action, but also by intention and meaning. In contrast, routine often carries with it an obligation or duty and can be performed mindlessly.
The ritual “fills you up,” says Coop: “You intentionally choose it because you want it and you know it will stir something inside you.” This also distinguishes rituals from superficial forms of “self-care” that require spending money.
Use the ritual all year round
It is possible to create your own traditions. “Some rituals may be annual or seasonal,” says Koop. Instead of exchanging holiday gifts, the Coupe family goes on vacation in early January: “The experience is a ritual of being together.”
The same can be said for my freelancing holiday lunch. Consolidation monthly lunch or weekly call because ritual makes it more meaningful and a higher priority, Coupe says, “There's a rhythm to it. It's something you look forward to.”
Think beyond solutions
Instead of setting resolutions, Koop chooses one word to guide her year, depending on what she wants to cultivate: abundance, clarity, or peace, for example. She displays her chosen word in a prominent place in her home. She said it's “less daunting” than the resolution and focuses on smaller, more immediate opportunities for change.
Coupe also conducts an annual review of her work, assessing what went well, what she could do without and what she wants to do next. Without such checks, she said, it's easy to spend a year “just getting on with things.”
More from “Why Am I Like This”:
Test yourself
It's hard to bring more meaning into your life if you don't know what matters to you. “You have to be clear about what fills you and what drains you,” says Koop. She recommends turning self-reflection into a ritual—through journaling, meditation, yoga, or a casual walk without headphones.
Self-awareness is not the same as introspection or self-criticism. Coupe thinks of this as understanding your thoughts and limiting the beliefs and ways in which “you are working against yourself.”
“If you're not really aware of what's going on inside you, it can't change,” says Koop. “You have to look at what's going on inside and understand it, and then start changing.”
When Coop was juggling a stressful corporate job and raising two young children, she would wake up at 5:15 a.m. to spend 45 minutes alone.
“It was my time,” she says. This helped her cope better with work pressure and gradually improved her mood and resilience. “I became more grounded, peaceful and patient, all because I was feeding something inside of me,” she says.
Be careful where you spend your energy
“You can’t say yes to everything,” Coupe says, “so how do you intentionally choose?”
This year I declined some holiday invitations to attend others. Previously, I would have tried to do them all, straining myself mentally and financially. Unexpectedly, selectivity increased my anticipation and pleasure.
Letting go of activities that we do only out of obligation or habit creates space for more restorative actions. For years, Coupe drank a glass of wine after work to “take the edge off.” She eventually stopped, realizing it was more exhaustion than motivation: “There was no intention – it was just something I did.”
Improve your daily life
The ritual should feel special, even in a small way, and connect you to the present moment, Coupe says, “but it doesn't have to be something huge.” Small actions can create space and improve our sense of control.
Coupe suggests setting an intention while making your morning tea or coffee, saying, “You allow your mind to simply be present, rather than automatically taking away your energy and attention.”
Try turning routines into rituals. I have been careless about making my bed every morning for a long time now; now that I notice how much calmer I feel after doing this, it doesn't feel like a chore anymore.
One of Coop's friends realized that her 6 a.m. yoga class was actually a private ritual. The shift in thinking increases our value in such activities, says Coupe: “You look at them from a perspective of growth and intention, rather than from a perspective of monotony and obligation.”
Make the most of transitions
Rituals can help mark transitional moments, such as the end of the workday. For those who work from home, this might mean closing your laptop, clearing your desk, or closing the door to your workspace if you have one, suggests Coupe.
Listening to upbeat music on the way to work or changing your work clothes can also signal that it's time to switch off.
Several nights a week, Coop takes a bath as part of his calming ritual and reads a book in the bath before bed. She also recommends spending 15 minutes on Sundays planning for the week ahead, noting potential stressors and ways to alleviate them where possible.
For Coupe, practicing ritual was key to easing the daily grind and centering meaning and connection. “If you create moments that feel special, it can help you see life differently,” she says.
I was surprised at how easy and effective it was to introduce new rituals. Things I once avoided, like chores or breaks, became more attractive when I focused on what they meant and reframed them as conscious choices.
This inspired me to seek out more opportunities to create rituals, especially ones that connect me with others. Rituals are not only held at Christmas. In fact, at the end of my holiday dinner, we agreed to do it again earlier.
