Olga Aleksandrova for NPR
Do you want your child to spend less time on their phone, tablet or gaming device? Start by reducing your own digital consumption. According to study published in 2024One of the strongest predictors of a child's screen time is their parents' screen time.
“If you don't want your teens looking at their phones at the dinner table, you shouldn't take your phone out at the dinner table either,” says the psychologist. Jean Twengeauthor of the book 10 rules for raising children in the world of high technologypublished in September.
It can be difficult for parents to limit screen time because much of the household work (such as ordering groceries or making doctor's appointments) happens online, he says. Elizaveta Milovidovadigital parenting trainer. But with moderation, parents can model smart technology habits for their children.
The hope is that the time freed up by being offline will help you strengthen your family's connection to each other, Twenge says, and develop healthier habits, “whether it's sleeping, hanging out with friends in person, exercising, or reading.”
Here's how parents can strive for balance with their own screen time.
Ask yourself if the answer can wait.
It's hard to look away from our devices when we're inundated with seemingly urgent requests: urgent emails, messages from the big boss, calls from distant family or the doctor's office.
If you're with your family at, say, a baseball game or a birthday party and prefer to turn off your device, give yourself a quick reality check, says Milovidov. Ask yourself: “Is this necessary right now? Is it urgent? If not, save the task to tackle it another time.
If you need to “fab” your child, explain why.
There is a term for when we become distracted from others and focus on our devices: phubbingor neglecting the phone. And this is not pleasant for anyone.
“When you're talking to someone and you pull out your phone, the message they're getting is, 'You're not as important as what's on that phone,'” Twenge says. “It's hard for the child because he wants his parents' full attention.”
Recent Research suggests that the effects of phubbing may be particularly problematic for young children and adolescents. For example, it is associated with lower levels of emotional intelligence in young children and can lead to both parent and child feeling less connected to each other.
If you have to use technology in front of your children, Twenge says, talking about what you're doing and why you're doing it can help ease any confusion or hurt feelings.
For example, if you need to answer an email while having breakfast, you can briefly show your son your phone, explain to him who you're writing to, and let him know that you'll be right back to eggs with the family when you're done. You can also balance out this screen time by devoting time to playing games together in the afternoon.
Make sure the time you spend on your device is In fact useful.
Evaluate how you spend time on your devices, says Milovidov. Does screen time affect your physical health or sleep? Your ability to communicate with family and friends? What feelings are you experiencing?
Focus not on the quantity of your screen time, but on the quality. Your weekly FaceTime date with your cousin abroad may be a source of pleasure, but you're noticing a connection between your true crime binge and a bad week of sleep. Or you stayed up later after reactivating your Instagram account.
Once you've made these observations, determine how you can make more beneficial changes to your screen time. Perhaps you'll save true crime podcasts for your morning commute (when they're less likely to haunt your sleep) or get an app that limits the amount of time you spend on social media.
Keep devices out of the bedroom.
Research has shown that just keeping your phone or computer near your bed – even in airplane mode — can lead to poor sleep quality, says Twenge. When your device is nearby, it's easier to pick up. Content can keep you engaged and scrolling. And light from screens can affect your circadian rhythm, disrupting your sleep.
Children are also vulnerable to this temptation. 2023 Research Report Common Sense Media found that 60% of children ages 11 to 17 used their phones between midnight and 5 a.m. on school nights.
You may already apply this rule to your children, but set a good example by keeping phones, tablets and laptops away from them. your bedroom too. Store them on a family charging station in a shared space, such as the kitchen or living room, or place them in a safe with a timer, says Twenge.
Create device-free zones in your home and schedule.
Decide on a specific function and location for your digital devices, says Milovidov. For example, your computer can remain on your desk and be used for work. Your tablet can be left in a quiet corner of the living room and used for reading or watching movies and TV shows.
This makes it easy to create device-free zones in your home. she says. Otherwise, “our whole house becomes screen-accessible space.”
Apply this strategy to your calendar, she says. Many parents prohibit the use of devices during meals or in any situation that could pose a safety risk, such as driving or bathing. But you can also apply this rule during a movie night or vacation. or any time you want to encourage your family to focus on each other.
Be kind to yourself.
To be a good digital caregiver for your kids, you don't have to give up the entire Internet or even worry about screen time, Milovidov says. This is complex work with no clear plan.
So when you feel like you've made a mistake, “realize that you can get back on track,” she says. “Show yourself some compassion.”
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib and art directed by Bec Harlan. We'd like to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at [email protected].
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