Ex is bringing new girlfriend to New Year’s Eve party – Chicago Tribune

Question: My ex and I just broke up. I know, it's a wonderful time of year. Of course, this was a surprise for me. So here's what I'm faced with: I've been invited to a New Year's party and I'm sure he'll be there with his new girlfriend. I want to go, but I'm already awkward and awkward and I have no idea how to deal with it. What is good about former etiquette?

Answer: Breaking up during the holidays is emotionally charged. Traditions change, expectations change, and then, as you're trying to catch your breath, someone hands you an invitation to a party where your ex and his new partner will likely be present. That's a lot for anyone. But believe it or not, there is a way to approach it with dignity, confidence and good etiquette.

First, check your motives. Do you want to go there because you genuinely like these friends, or do you feel pressured not to “lose” your social footing? If visiting feels like self-punishment—an emotional tightrope walk where you'll be watching his every move—it may not be the healthiest choice. But if you want to go and believe that you can be merciful even when it hurts, then allow yourself to come. Healing does not come from hiding. It comes from life.

Second, plan ahead. Good ex etiquette rule #3: “Don’t swear.” This rule includes berating yourself. Don't go expecting humiliation. Your worth hasn't changed because your ex quickly left you, or at least it seems that way. People recover at different rates, often for reasons that have nothing to do with compatibility. Your worth is not measured by who your ex brings to the party.

Third, have an emotional strategy. Before you walk in the door, decide what you will do if the moment gets ugly. Could you take a little break outside? Stay close to friends who make you feel grounded? Move away from conversations that boil down to “relationship history”? Knowing your escape routes doesn't mean you're vulnerable, it means you're prepared.

Fourthly, communication should be easy and brief. If you do run into your ex, all it takes is a simple “Happy New Year.” Glad to see you.” No explanation. No comparisons. No drama. Your calm composure will speak for itself. If you recognize a new partner, say just as simply: “Nice to meet you. Have a nice party.” That's it. You don't have to smile excessively or overcompensate. Neutral is stylish.

Finally, remember this: A gracious appearance is a form of closure. You're showing yourself, your social circle, and yes, even your ex, that you can stand firm in the next chapter of your life. You are also modeling something powerful: resilience. When parents manage interactions with adults with dignity, children benefit in ways that they may not fully understand until they are older.