Do I grant son-in-law status to the boyfriend? – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: I have two daughters. One is in a long-term marriage and has an established career. Another, who has a less secure job, recently moved in with her boyfriend of five years.

I am a widow and elderly. Quite unexpectedly, I found that my income, especially the required minimum distribution from the IRA, far exceeded my needs. So far, the account continues to grow annually more than the distribution.

Every year I give a check to my now established daughter and her husband. I put money into a retirement account for someone else.

Do I give son-in-law status to a guy when handing out money? They are in a committed relationship.

The guy is a little sensitive about money. He is still trying to pay off debts from his first marriage. My daughter makes more money than him and they live in her house. He contributes a certain amount financially and takes on most of the upkeep of the house. He bristles at any suggestion that he doesn't carry his own financial weight. If they're going to be a long-term couple, I'd like to contribute to his retirement account, but I don't want to cause problems.

I don't feel like I know him well enough to ask.

Any suggestions?

– Retirement gift

Dear gift: This is really thoughtful and quite generous.

So, I hope that what I write next will not seem too short. If you don't know the guy well enough to ask him if he'll accept the money, you shouldn't give it to him. The truth is, you don't have to know someone to give them money. But as you point out, this could cause problems in your daughter's relationship.

The way to get around these problems is through communication, but if this is not possible, the money should remain in your account.

I like to say that money talks, but sometimes it mumbles. This is especially true when it comes to inheritances and gifts passed from one generation to the next. Since you and your boyfriend aren't in a relationship where you feel comfortable talking about money, investing a large amount of money into your relationship could cause problems, if only because you haven't developed a way to talk about it.

However, you can talk about the situation with your daughter and ask if there are ways to help her that will benefit the family as a whole.

Dear Eric: A year ago, a former councilman campaigned for a man who had barely lived in my town of 35,000 for several years. This person received a seat on our five-person board.

Now, a year later, this new board member has proven himself to be incompetent and does not even have the basic skills to perform the job at board meetings.

In general, even at the last meeting of the council it became awkward. For example, he didn't even know how appeals worked and kept asking really stupid questions, which further showed that he was not prepared or well read on the subject.

I called the former council member who was pushing for this guy to get the seat, and the former council member got mad at me, was very angry, and told me that the new council member was doing a great job.

Myself and other residents are concerned about what we are stuck with. How can we solve this problem as soon as possible?

— Stranded Villager

Dear Resident: Review your board's bylaws. Find out what recourse, if any, residents have for a recall. It might be as simple as getting enough signatures on a petition. It may be more difficult or impossible. You won't know what checks and balances are available to you without doing a little digging.

This must be publicly available information. The city council, like any other elected body, works for the people. Thus, they have an obligation to do their work transparently. If you cannot find the bylaws or the answer to your question on the council website, please contact the City Council Clerk or the City Council Chair.