DEAR ABBY: Noble gesture puts elderly father in a precarious situation

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Dear Abby: My 19 year old niece did not graduate from high school and has been in rehab for many years. She is about to leave the residential program and is looking for housing. Her parents have imposed “house rules” that she doesn't like, including not doing drugs or hanging out with her boyfriend.

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I have three children at home and I cannot accept her. My elderly father just asked her to live with him. It will be a disaster. Financially and physically, he is barely able to maintain an apartment on his own. We handle many of his daily tasks and are looking into home health options for when he is ready to accept additional help.

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Dad is unable to accept a troubled teenager. However, he thinks so, and since he is still independent, it is his choice. If she could help take care of him that would be great, but that won't happen. I'm not even sure it would be safe for him to have her and her friends in his place.

My father doesn't listen to reason. My niece's social worker won't talk to me, citing privacy concerns. Her parents warned her dad and the result was the same as mine. I want to protect my father. How can I confront this madness before it becomes terrible? — THEY ARE AFRAID IN MISSOURI

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DEAR, I'M AFRAID OF THIS: I don't think there is any way for you to stop the father from taking the girl. Stay connected so you can keep track of what's happening. Let this play out and intervene if you see that the situation is becoming dangerous to his health and well-being, which at this point may require government intervention.

Dear Abby: I have a nephew and niece who are about 20 years old. As teenagers and adults, they preferred not to acknowledge gifts. As a result, I stopped sending them anything.

I recently found out that my nephew is engaged. He'll run away and have a family party a few months later. No one in my family has met their fiancée. I don't live in the same city as them. Would it be wrong not to attend the appointment? I never said anything to their father (my brother) about his children not getting recognition. I know my mother will upset me because she did this a few months ago when I didn't attend my niece's graduation. — HOLIDAY IN NORTH CAROLINA

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DEAR VACATIONERS: I understand that you are hurt because you were not thanked for the gifts you gave your niece and nephew when they were younger. However, I'm sorry that you didn't attend your niece's graduation party, and I'm even more sorry that you're planning on not attending your nephew's wedding reception.

Have you become estranged from your brother? Aren't you curious about the young woman who will join your large family? By sulking and not discussing your feelings with your brother, you are actually alienating yourself from that branch of the family, which I think is a mistake.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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