DEAR ABBY: Ex-husband’s treatment of son breaks mother’s heart

Contents of the article

Dear Abby: My ex Hank and I have two sons. Both are smart, kind, highly educated, hardworking and independent young people.

Contents of the article

Hank lives separately from our youngest son, Andrew. Andrew could never live up to his father's expectations. This is one of the reasons why I stopped loving my husband. He would start a verbal confrontation with Andrew and say things like, “You are not my son.” He later clarified that he meant that Andrew DOES act differently than his older brother. Another example: “You didn’t call me last week, so I’m not going to help you today.”

Contents of the article

Contents of the article

It was painful for the mother to watch this, and for the child to go through it. The only happiness is that both boys love each other. I believe that children should know that their parents love them. They should NOT have to constantly prove that they are worthy of parental love. It crushes me that Andrew doesn't have a father figure he can count on to be there for him unconditionally.
Andrew had emergency surgery this week and Hank never bothered to stop by and ask how he was doing. We tried therapy. Is there anything else that would help overcome the estrangement between father and son? — A MOTHER WHO SHOULD ALSO BE A DAD

Contents of the article

Contents of the article

DEAR MOTHER: What a sad letter and what a pathetic excuse for a husband and father. Your ex-husband caused the estrangement, and nothing you or Andrew can do will fix it. You didn't mention how Andrew was affected by not having a healthy relationship with his father. Was the therapy tried family therapy? Marriage counseling for you and your ex? Individual therapy for your son? It is possible that a licensed mental health professional can help Andrew come to terms with the years of emotional neglect he has suffered, but only if he agrees that he needs it.

Dear Abby: I am a 36 year old woman from Pakistan. I read your advice with great interest. Since childhood, it has always been difficult for me to make friends. People I liked, I tried to befriend them, but I think I seemed too clingy. I am the one who initiates most of the contacts with my old school friends.

Contents of the article

Now I see the same thing happening to my 7 year old son. When his cousins ​​or my cousins' children come over and he plays with them, he wants to maintain a friendly relationship with them through video calls, voice messages, etc. I see that other children and their parents are not so interested in maintaining friendships, including my brother and his daughter.

My son is as sensitive as I am. How can I explain to him that he shouldn't expect everyone to be his friend without giving him the impression that “no one cares”? — SAD MOM IN PAKISTAN

DEAR SAD MOM: Friendship should develop naturally. This often happens through common interests. What is your son interested in? Does he participate in sports or other activities outside of school? While it is true that no one can “expect” others to become close friends, relationships are formed through exposure to various activities and people. Your fears that your son will have the same social difficulties as you may turn out to be unfounded. He might need more children than he had to find his way in society.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Contents of the article