DEAR ABBY: Dear old dad tells relatives he’s been cut off by son

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Dear Abby: My father and I have had a contentious relationship since I was a teenager. Even though I grew up in his home, my values ​​are different from his and he takes it personally. I left home as soon as I was old enough and have lived my life the way I want ever since.

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After a couple of years apart, my father asked if we could keep in more regular contact. We tried this and it turned out bad. Every conversation ended in a fight. When I told him that we needed a marriage counselor to help us find common ground, he flatly refused. Now he tells our relatives that I am cutting off contact with him and not allowing him to see my children. This is not true. I wanted us to work with a mediator to find a healthier way to communicate with each other. I'm not sure it's realistic anymore.

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It involves my siblings, aunts and cousins ​​and forces them to choose sides. How can I protect my relationship with the rest of my family if he continues to act like a jerk? For what it's worth: My life is pretty boring. I'm 30, I'm married, I have a higher education and a solid job. We live in a house in a nice area and watch our children play soccer on weekends. — MY OWN MAN IN MISSOURI

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DEAR OWN MAN: How did your father's isolation plan work? Do you have good relationships with other family members? If you haven't already, give your in-laws chapter and verse about your father's controlling behavior. Let them know that you would like to have a relationship with your father, but if he is not willing to accept professional mediation, you cannot have it. You have all the ingredients for a happy life. It will be yours if you can resist your father's coercion.

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Dear Abby: My mother recently died and my brother, who lives nearby, is cleaning her house. He asked me if I needed anything from home and I told him that I needed photos of my children when they were little that I had sent to my mother over the years since I lived abroad. I suggested that he send them to my daughter in New York, since she would come to visit me in a few months and could bring them back.

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My brother mailed the photos and my daughter opened the package. After seeing the photos, she decided she wanted to keep the ones with her in them and give the ones with her to her sister (also in New York). She claims they belong to her. I say this is not true. She was only meant to be a messenger to bring them to me. I offered to make copies or scan them and email them to her. She's not talking to me now. Who is right and what should I do? — WITHOUT PICTURE IN ISRAEL

DEAR WITHOUT PICTURE: You are right. As you stated, the photographs could be copied for your daughters if they so desired. The fact that your daughter no longer talks to you about this matter tells me that there may be other family issues going on between you and your daughters. If I were you, I would take this into account when making your will.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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