DEAR ABBY: Chided boyfriend has nursed a grudge for six years

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Dear Abby: My daughter is asking me to apologize to her boyfriend Harry for yelling at him when I helped them move six years ago. (I drove 250 miles to help.) On the day of the move, Harry didn't take a day off from work, so he wasn't there to help. (They had a second-floor apartment with no elevator.) When he finally showed up, he walked slowly, taking out the trash.

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At the new location, Harry helped a little, but when the food arrived, instead of continuing to help, he decided to sit and eat while the two other helpers and I continued to move things. (This was 10 hours after the move.) That's when I lost it. I yelled at him for not helping anymore. All he did in his relationship with my daughter was go to work, come home and play video games. He didn't help around the house and showed no interest in helping their son.

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Harry has made some changes in helping his son over the past few years, but now my daughter feels stuck in the middle and wants me to apologize to him for yelling. I haven't made any derogatory remarks about him since then. I even liked some of his Facebook posts.

I got over it, but Harry didn't seem to. I told my daughter that he needed professional help. The last time I was there, he was staying at the hotel for the weekend. My son says it should be a two-way apology, and it should come from Harry first. What do you think? — FAMILY DILEMMA IN CANADA

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DEAR FAMILY DILEMMA: Let's face it. Your daughter's boyfriend is an overgrown child. Consider yourself blessed that she is not married to him. Someone has to be the adult, and I vote for you to fill that role by taking the first step. Shut your nose and apologize to Harry, if only for the sake of your daughter.

Dear Abby: Should parents be allowed to send birthday invitations to school if only selected students are the recipients of the invitation? I am the parent of a preschool child with (very) special needs. I feel heartache every day because of her problems and her desire to connect with others. In a parent FB group, someone recently posted about their daughter’s birthday. It says those who receive an invitation should send a text message to the provided mobile phone number to change plans. We never received an invitation.

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Were we the only ones excluded? To be honest, my emotions can be especially fragile when it comes to my daughter and inclusivity. I think people should be able to invite only their friends. However, I think discretion on the part of the host parent would have been more polite and kind. Parents should be sure to know the contact information of the parents of their child's friends. Do you have an opinion? — UNCALLED IN THE EAST

DEAR NON-CALLERS: I am with you 100%, speaking for myself as an adult who was once an excluded child. For many reasons, parents should be sure to have contact information for the parents of their child's friends. This information can be critical in the event of an emergency.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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