DEAR ABBY: Boy’s paternal family refuses to acknowledge relation

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Dear Abby: I had a child with Richard, whom I met 10 years ago. I was married at the time, but had been separated from my husband Eddie for nine months. Richard and I got along well; I was very attracted to him. Five months after we met, I accidentally became pregnant. When Richard found out about this, he ran away. We stayed in contact and he met our son Brady twice.

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Eddie and I reconnected when Brady was three years old, and since Richard was away, we requested that his rights be terminated so Eddie could adopt him. Richard didn't show up, so legally we were able to continue.

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When we learned that Richard never told his family about Brady, I reached out to them. They don't want anything to do with us! They don't believe my son is part of their family because his rights were violated and they never knew about him, even though I have pictures of Brady and Richard together and Brady knows who he is.

Eddie and I have been divorced for four years. I am terribly sorry for the way my son is being treated. Should I leave them all alone and close this chapter? — LAUNCHED Network in Arizona

Dear Tangled Web: Continuing to pursue Richard's family will get you nowhere. That chapter closed when Richard gave up his parental rights to Brady and Eddie adopted the little boy. Until your son is no longer a minor, Eddie may be financially responsible for him. I hope he acts more responsibly than Brady's biological father and that their relationship continues despite the divorce.

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Dear Abby: I've been married for almost 40 years. I'm recently retired, in great shape and very active. I walk, bike, hike, golf and strength train. My wife will retire soon. She is 100% sedentary and doesn't do any of those things with me. She has mobility problems that can be corrected with surgery, but she refuses surgery, which means her mobility problems will get worse. In the not too distant future, she will need a guardian to help her, and that will be me.

It may sound selfish, but I didn't sign up for this. I feel like I will never enjoy my retirement because she refuses to help herself. Is it wrong for me to think about divorcing her because she doesn't take any responsibility and expects me to take care of her, which will prevent me from enjoying my golden years? — THE END OF MY ROPE IN NEW YORK

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DEAR END: You stated that you “didn’t sign up for this.” Well, no one does. When you and your wife made your wedding vows, “…in sickness and in health…”, this is exactly what you signed up for. The fact that your wife is so afraid of surgery to correct her problems that she refuses it is sad for both of you. Perhaps if you tell her what you wrote to me, it will encourage her to take more responsibility for her health. A good place to start would be to consult with your doctor about a reasonable path forward.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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