A jury refuses to buy into the MAGA condiment conspiracy theory.
Sean Dunn, better known as “Sandwich Guy,” moments before hurling his submarine into the soft chest of a federal agent.
(Andrew Layden/Getty Images)
Internet celebrities, legal problems and final release the angry Washingtonian defying ICE, known around the world as Sandwich Guy, seems tailor-made for late-night TV one-liners. But given that we're currently wading through the world's stupidest fascist timeline, the plot of “Sandwich Guy” might teach us some surprisingly useful lessons about how to organize protests that could undermine the Mussolini-style self-respect of the MAGA power elite.
The original incident caught on a passerby's phoneshows former Justice Department official Sean S. Dunn in a loud and heated conversation with a group of federal agents patrolling the capital's nightlife corridor on U Street. This happened, as it turns out, on August 10, the night before President Donald Trump's announcement. false crime to justify the patently illegal mobilization of federal officers to replace local law enforcement. Dunn was carrying a newly purchased Subway sandwich and hurled it harshly into the chest of one of the agents before tearing down U Street by an impressive margin before his pursuers finally caught and arrested him. Attorney General Pam Bondi fired him after his arrest, saying on social media that the sandwich-throwing attacker was “an example of the deep state we are facing.”
At a time when Trump and his authoritarian minions were spreading dark and false stories about the mortal danger that the ordinary streets of Washington DC posed to ordinary God-fearing Americans, the viral video of Dunn's exploits provided a welcome and entertaining documentation of what was really happening in Washington: a corps of federal agents posing as righteous peacekeepers, threatening residents for no good reason.
Dunn's status as a white Air Force veteran wearing the neatest summer clothes imaginable belied Trump's racist claim that the attackers wreaking havoc in the neighborhood were black, brown and immigrant. Here was a guy who not only looked like he could be a Trump administration operative, but until recently actually was, committing a brave, if absurd, act of resistance to the MAGA brownshirts.
Then, of course, there was the sandwich itself, which instantly spawned a legion of online jokes and memes, as well as an avalanche forced puns in titles. None of the Kings demonstrators showed up with giant inflatable sandwiches, and widespread graffiti modeled after Banksy's work depicted an Antifa-style rebel. getting ready to throw a sandwich instead of the colors shown in the original.
But all of this was just a prelude to the main absurdist event: the Trump administration's persistent efforts to prosecute and jail Dunn for his late-night snack attack. Prosecutors initially tried unsuccessfully to persuade a D.C. grand jury to indict Dunn on assault charges, prompting another round of jokes quoting the old line about district attorneys urging a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich.
The prosecution, led by former Fox News revenge peddler Jeanine Pirro, who took over as D.C. District Attorney from Ed Martin, the MAGA thug originally appointed by Trump, has proven too extreme Even in order for Senate Republicans to confirm him, he was forced to downgrade the assault charge to a misdemeanor. (This was after Pirro recorded a malicious video praising the indictment as a model of Trump's crackdown on DC and urging Dunn to “stuff his subway sandwich somewhere else.”) The maneuver simply made the entire effort look like the desperate and corrupt travesty of Trump-appeasing legal integrity that it actually was.
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Accordingly, last week's jury trial provided the sort of hollow and surreal digressions immortalized in the courtroom chapter. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (which, remember, was also centered around the act of edible crime – alleged theft of cakes). Prosecutors called two witnesses – a D.C. transit police officer who saw the entire episode, and Gregory Laremore, a Customs and Border Patrol agent whose padded vest withstood Dunn's barrage of gunfire. “The sandwich kind of exploded all over my uniform,” the agent testified, trying to portray the fast food dish as a dangerous projectile. “It smelled like onions and mustard.”
In the annals of harrowing courtroom testimony, Laremore's performance didn't live up to the climactic scenes of Aaron Sorkin or Perry Mason, but it worked wonders in highlighting the lengths to which Trump's MAGA corps would go to create a threat out of thin air—or a condiment bar, as the case may be. Indeed, just like the original video that showcased Dunn's incredible global fame, the federal case against him has only highlighted how petulant, fragile and self-righteous the administrators of our fascist coup truly are. (Though anyone viewing reports of Trump's Caligulan Great Gatsby Halloween celebration at Mar-a-Lago may see Pirro in a moment of bizarre lightness along with a sequined burlesque dancer in a huge champagne coupe.) When you've gotten to the point of forcing a heavily armed federal intruder to endure the unbearable trauma of being assaulted by the smell of onions and mustard, you can bet that no jury will convict.
Keep in mind, even this campaign initiative by Team Pirro quickly fell apart during Laremore's cross-examination by Dunne's lawyer, Sabrina Shroff. She brandished a photo from the scene of Dunn's sandwich lying on the ground, almost untouched in its wrapper, after Dunn's fatal throw. She further noted that Laremore's coworkers gave him his own stuffed sandwich toy as a gag gift, which he displayed in his office along with a sticker of Dunn picking up a sandwich above the words “Felony Footlong.” Laremore appropriately attached it to his lunchbox. As Shroff noted, victims of a real attack usually do not display humorous mementos of the act: “If someone attacked you, someone hurt you, would you retain the memory of that attack?” she asked. “Could you stick it on your daily lunch box and carry it with you?”
Despite the absurdity of the Trump administration's crusade to turn Dunn into a bread-and-butter terrorist, the deeper logic of his persecution still drives the MAGA's desire for maximum impunity and total compliance on the part of the citizens and immigrants they persecute, persecute, and unjustly detain, arrest, and extradite. Another DC ICE protester was arrested (though never actually charged) after he chased down federal law enforcement agents while blasting Star Wars' “Imperial March” – Darth Vader's theme song – to mock DC's unnecessary mobilization; he has I have now filed a civil suit in collaboration with the ACLU, alleging violations of the First and Fourth Amendments, as well as false arrest and battery.
Much more seriously, ICE Commander-at-Large Gregory Bovino, who oversees the Trump administration's “Midway Blitz” initiative targeting immigrants and Chicago protesters, recently testified in a lawsuit As part of the crackdown, he has instructed agents to arrest anyone making “hyperbolic comments” during protests. Former Chicago ICE Director Russell Hott testified in the same case that he disagreed that arresting people for expressing opposition to the Midway Blitz would be unconstitutional. In the face of this insane view of how we exercise our civil liberties, a constant barrage of fluffy sandwiches will represent a rational and measured response.
