Inspirational Thought of the Week:
I'm driving slow in my Prius
Full leather, tinted glass, you can't see us!
Everyone is trying to park, you can feel the tension.
I have electric mode, I can’t even hear the motor
At that moment I saw a spot open.
My timing is perfect! I'm creeping…
But then this other dude tries to steal it.
We're going the wrong way!
“Hey man, I've had a long day!”
It becomes a reality in the Whole Foods parking lot!
I have my own skills, and you know that it lights up a lot.
— “It gets real in the Whole Foods parking lot,” DJ Spider
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located in the huge audio warehouse where Kirk Herbstreit keeps all the “AAAAAWWWWWW” records people put out when they see Peter the dog, we looked at the calendar hanging on the front of our refrigerator and realized… wait… we realized it's not 2008 like that calendar says… OK… here's a new one… let's start over.
We looked at the calendar hanging on the front of our refrigerator and realized that there were only three weekends left until the 2025 football season. Or, if you live in a #MACtion world like us, you'll only have three days off plus another three weeks of Tuesday and Wednesday games played between layers of plowed snow.
This means that everything will soon become reality. Of course, the 10 most arrogant people will tell you that it's all about the CFP. But here we are talking about the BFP, the top 10 football playoffs. And as soon as we wake up Charlie Weis and connect to the Internet again, we too will form a group that will determine the champion. A true champion. Champion of life. Or, in general, Life. Board game. Where gold revenge squares give you the option to “sue for damages” with the goal of “retire in style” or “move to the country to become a philosopher.”
And now it suddenly dawns on us that Brian Kelly and his lawyers must love board games.
Apologies to former Ohio State defensive back David Board, former Idaho wide receiver Tom Gamelin, and former Georgia State wide receiver. Keron MiltonAir Force airliner Brian Bradley and Steve Harvey, here are the 10 worst players after Week 11.
The Minuetmen are the only undefeated team in the country, but the final three weeks of their #MACtion reunion tour look set to provide two solid chances to taste victory before getting a taste of Thanksgiving turkey, starting Wednesday night with a visit to the “Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year” Mega Bowl from the bottom 10 Northern Ill-ugh-noise waitlist airing on the channel. 7:00 pm ET on ESPNU. The ESPN Analytics Ouija board reports UMass has a 21.8% chance of winning, its best chance for the rest of the season.
During the traditional post-weekend #Bottom10 lobbying spree on social media, I heard from a Nevada alum named @mugtang who wrote, “Nevada will lose to UMass by 3 touchdowns! Rank us #1 in your bottom ten. Or will it be 136th place?” In related news, after reading his tweet, I went to the store, bought Tang drink mix and drank it from a mug. With rum. How the astronauts did it.
The Panthers lost to Coastal Carolina last week, 40-27. They then host Marshall, which is convenient for Thundering Herd fans who can simply follow the Georgia State bus as it leaves town because it is a natural law that at any given time half the population of West Virginia lives in Myrtle Beach.
The Niners traveled to the EC-Yew East and lost 48-22. In their defense, they weren't being themselves because they were already testing out what it was like to play in bubble wrap and the rubber sides of a boat as they prepared for their Week 14 trip to Georgia.
Legend has it that after the angel Moroni showed Joseph Smith the golden plates on which the Mormon Church was founded, he also warned Smith to be sure to heed the oft-forgotten inscription located on the scratched back of the plates: “BEWARE OF THE DESIRABLE FIFTH PLACE, LET IT BITE YOU ON THE RICH IN LUBBOCK.”
Sources tell the Bottom 10 JortsCenter that BC and UMass are secretly planning to play a Bottom 10 Toilet title game on Christmas Eve morning in the Mass Turnpike Natick Service Plaza parking lot, sponsored by Dunkin', D'Angelo's Sandwiches and Vinny's Vape and Spray Tan. Go Sox.
Listen to me. A reality show where all the college football coaches fired this season meet at Buffalo Wild Wings and watch the games together. Or better yet, they do it at Mike Gundy's ranch.
It's always hard when you don't know what you wish you knew at some point, but this was better because you thought you knew a lot about the time yet to come, only to see that the time yet to come would not be what you thought you knew, and make that first thing you didn't know at the time feel like an even bigger missed unknown opportunity. You see, we didn't realize how big the Week 3 game between MTSU and Nevada was, and now the game we thought was going to be big – MTSU vs. Sam Houston State on Nov. 22 – isn't as big as it once was. Why?
Because of what the Bivas just did. Or, in fact, what they failed to do. Fellow OSU spent the first two months of the season ranked there before departing on the strength of two straight wins over Lafayette and fellow 2Pac Warshington State. It was similar to the scene in The Dark Knight Rises when Bruce Wayne emerged from the underground prison in the desert where Bane had exiled him… only this time, when he got to the top, Bane was waiting to step on his toes. Who is Bane in this Batman Bottom 10 metaphor?
(For the full Bane effect, read the following lines with your hand to your mouth, doing the accent of a screaming, constipated Cockney actor in a Bearkats hoodie.) “Curious how you came to the conclusion that this far-fetched escape would be successful, Caped Crusader! Now we're coming for you, Blue Raiders!”
Waiting list: Living on Tulsa time, Colorado time, UTEPid, Arkansaw fighting Petrinos, South Alabama downsizing, northern ugh noise, billable hours.
:quality(85):upscale()/2025/03/25/909/n/1922729/47a7682367e316ee4e8b77.23135881_.jpg?w=150&resize=150,150&ssl=1 "How Much Does Orangetheory Cost?")
