Can viral relationship tests like the bird test really tell you about your relationship?

If you've been on TikTok recently, you may have come across “bird test“. One partner randomly points at something—like a bird outside the window—and waits to see if the other responds with interest. If he does, the relationship gets a symbolic green flag. If not, trouble could be brewing. It's funny and relevant, and it gets on the nerves. Millions of people are now scrutinizing tiny interactions, hoping for confirmation that their partner is truly interested. And psychologists like me can see why: This viral test captures what researchers have long They knew that this love is built from small moments of responsiveness.

For decades, relationship researchers have argued that love lives in these micro-moments. We call these everyday attempts to connect “rates“: a joke shared, a story told, a quick “look at this!” In a classic laboratory study of newlyweds, psychologist John Gottman found that partners who repeatedly made small offers for connection reported greater happier relationships. Other longitudinal studies have found that couples whose early interactions include more positive and proactive responses during conflict more likely to remain stable and satisfied years later.

Other work highlights that responsiveness in tiny everyday moments, not just during conflict, predicts relationship well-being. A study of newlyweds found that couples who were more playful and enthusiastic during a 10-minute dinner conversation were more likely to… use more humor and tenderness during conflict discussion. In longitudinal studies, people who perceive their partners as more responsive—attentive, supportive, and caring—become more more physically tender over timea small but powerful way that couples maintain intimacy in everyday life.

Over time, these small confessions form the glue that holds the relationship together. In this sense, the bird test is a clever distillation of a deeper truth: small acts of responsiveness matter. Individually, they may seem trivial, but when repeated over time, they create forward momentum that makes relationships fulfilling and sustainable.

But individual moments, especially those filmed for social media, cannot diagnose the health of a relationship. The bird test turns a complex design into a one-time pass/fail scenario, which can cause unnecessary anxiety or false confidence. Partners miss bets all the time for reasons that have nothing to do with commitment: they might be tired, stressed, or simply didn't hear the comment. The danger is not in the test; it's what we do with it. If we take any moment as a judgment, we risk disaster: “They ignored the bird! Do they even love me?” Or, worse, use it as a weapon: “You didn't answer! You never pay attention to me.” Relationships are not defined by a single reaction on a random Tuesday.

The bigger question is why such tests have become so explosive. Along with testing on birds, we have seen an increase in the numberorange peel theory“Will your partner peel your orange without asking? – And “moon phase test”, which states that romantic compatibility is based on the coincidence of the phases of the moon in the date of birth.

Part of the answer lies in the uncertainty of dating. Dating apps give us seemingly endless dating options, but research shows that having so many choices can actually make commitments riskier and less secure. This uncertainty affects the way relationships are shaped: more “situations,” fewer set expectations, and a lot of guessing about how your partner is really feeling. Viral tests promise quick clarity: one moment, one gesture, one simple answer.

Another reason is that relationship science has become mainstream but lacks nuance. Responsiveness studies, developed through rigorous observational studies, boil down to TikTok scenarios such as “Did they comment on a bird?” At the same time, social media rewards highly emotional content: heartbreaking or gut-wrenching reactions captured on camera. This attention economy encourages people to turn real relationships into public experiments. Viral tests thrive in this environment because they offer a simple and dramatic moment of proof that can be recorded, shared and appreciated by an audience.

So what should couples take away from all this? The bird test is no nonsense. It captures something vital: the ability to respond to your partner's requests, no matter how small, is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If a trend generates more curiosity, attention, and appreciation, I consider it a win. But instead of asking, “Did my partner pass the test?”, it is better to ask, “What is your partner's pattern of behavior over time? Is it really showing up for you? Do you feel heard? Do you appreciate it? Do you know? Love is not defined by what someone does with one bird or one orange, but by the hundreds of little moments in which partners choose to show up for each other when no one is looking.

However, I admit: I might try the bird test on my husband tonight, purely for scientific reasons. Wish him luck.

Emily Impett is a professor in the Department of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Toronto Mississauga and director of the Relationships and Well-Being Laboratory. Her research focuses on victimhood, sexuality in the context of long-term relationships, and relationships in transition.