I restoreAlcoholic and you need advice on how to make Support my son, who is 11 years old and autistic. I have been sober for three months with the help of rehabilitation and aa, but my drink became difficult Over the past two years (I have been sober during the first six years of my son’s life).
By the end, my drink was 24/7, and my son, unfortunately, saw me Out of control and desperately unhappy. He had a sense of responsibility that he was the only person who could stop me to drink (physically deleting bottles)that I am completely ashamed. Many times I told him that the only person who could stop drinking me is me.
He lived with his father for Several months (we divorced five years ago, but he supports my recovery) and returned to me when he entered high school in September. The trust between us is slowly growing, because he sees that I do not drink and do not make every effort to become better.
My son is still hyperisil and worries about my safetyThis field means that he terribly controls my actions – partially From his concern about my drink, but also because he is an autistic and Anxious about which is the liba unpredictable. I work on confidence and boundaries; It would be easy to give in to his requirements, but this is not like the way a parent. This is difficult, since I also feel guiltyField
I sent our family to children's services whileE I was in rehabilitation, and we are waiting for help for my son From our local service to support abuse of psychoactive substancesThe field, while I feel Really At sea about how to talk to himField I do not want to upset him, but I also do not want to ignore the past. HOUROU Are we moving forward?
Incredibly well done in order to understand that you need help and get it. You asked me a very specific question: how to talk with my son and support him.
I went to the system psychotherapist Rebecca Harris, who is a drug addiction manager in the London Mental Health Fund, and has more than twenty more than 20 years of experience in this area. “Children should feel safe,” she said. “Your son experienced an unpredictable time when he could not be sure that you could save him or yourself safe. He may worry about raising these problems with you now. Children, as a rule, think that their fault is their fault. [the alternative, that it’s their parents’ fault, is too great a threat to their survival, so they turn the blame inwards]Autism can aggravate all this. ”
Harris also said that “for people in active dependence, they often apologize and promises that they cannot save. This means that it can be difficult for relatives to know what to believe in. In addition to borders, it is very important to be consistent and consistent show Your son, that everything is better, and not just tell him. ”
Concentrate that he settles at school and install a good routine. Then imagine the idea that not a single item is behind the discussion table (if this is true). The time of eating can be a good time for conversation, as well as side by side, such as walking or driving, because there is a minimum visual contact, which some people find too intense. Maybe there is a lesson that you and your son love together? Do not think “we must speak”, think about the possibilities for conversation and see if they will happen. Harris also wondered about the preferred method of communicating your son. This may not speak; It can be written, or it can be a mixture of both.
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Harris and I thought that your son is safe, except for his house with you, his father? It is important for him to know this, and for you not to accept it personally, if this is where he wants from time to time. This does not mean that you failed, if he does it, this is a process, and it will not be linear.
I am glad that you have constant support from drug addiction services. We were not sure that local abuse of psychoactive substances will be able to help your son (they usually deal with adults, but maybe someone, who can support him). These groups can also be useful: family groups of al-Anon (Cut); National Association of Children with Alcoholics (Teda); National autistic societyField
Harris said: “You need to share your needs and son. Make sure that you do not force him to feel better in order to feel better – to remove yourself – because you cannot do it through your son. You can better focus on what he needs if you have good support yourself. ”
Everything is fine with you. Keep going.
Every week, Annalis Barburi solves the personal problem sent by the reader. If you want advice from Annalis, send your problem [email protected]The Annalis field regrets that he cannot enter into personal correspondence. Materials are subject to Our conditionsThe field of the last series of the podcast Annalis is available HereField
