BackgroundDo this until you do, the saying says. But what happens when you “did it”, but still feel like a complete fraud? The term “phenomenon of the impostor” was invented in 1978 by American psychologists Polina Clans and Suzann IMES, who noticed that their students and patients with therapy were full of doubts about their abilities. A survey of 2021 showed that up to 82% People experienced what became known as the Syndrome of the impostor – this is the aching feeling that you deceive, so that everyone thinks that you know what you are doing.
“The impostor syndrome is incredibly common among my customers,” the psychologist says Dr. J. Jessami HibberdAuthor of “Image treatment”. “It seems that among high -ranking, very competent people who are outwardly very successful and experienced.” Indeed, Michelle Obama, David Bowie and Maya Angela all spoke of feelings, as if they did not deserve their success.
Hibberd says that this is not only at work, that people can feel impostors: upbringing, relationships and social networks can lead to feelings of inadequacy and deep fear of being clarified. The impostor syndrome can lead to anxiety and depression, interfere with our ability to take risks and complicates progress.
So, what should you do if you can’t get rid of the feeling that you are just a poorly formulated email from dismissal? How can you overcome the fear that one bad day means that everything will fall apart? We asked experts about their advice on how to surpass a feeling of self -doubt forever.
Track your fears
“People with an impostor syndrome often predict the worst scenario that is happening and abandon opportunities, because they believe that everything can go wrong, and then they will find out,” says Hibberd. “Recently, I myself had it myself when I tried to make a public performance because I was nervous that it would go badly.”
To overcome this, Hibberd calls for his customers to record his disturbing forecasts, and then track what is actually happening is what she does herself. “When you start doing this, you understand that the worst does not happen, in fact, everyone usually goes positively,” she says. “You grow trust and confidence when you understand that this is just your impostor, speaking, this is unrealistic. The next time I ask me to talk, and I am nervous, I can look back and remember that I felt it before, but I can also track how I was pleased, I felt later. ”
Swim in the unknown
“Those of us who feel like impostors often believe that we should always be an expert or have all our ducks in a row,” says a business trainer and therapist Amanda BrenleyThe field “When, in fact, based on the place, not knowing, this is superpower, not weakness.”
Perhaps Brenkel says to train the brain to feel comfortable with uncertainty and enjoy swimming in the unknown. “You do not need to come to all weapons, flaming, knowing everything,” she says. “Remind yourself that it is quite normal to say“ I do not know ”; ask questions well; It may seem that he may ask for help. In fact, you can find that people react better to a curious student, and not an expert on knowledge. ”
The Nobel Physician Richard Feynman, the Nobel Prize laureate, accepted this philosophy, breaking new and complex ideas in what he called his notebook about things that I do not know about, the technique that became known as the Feynman method. Normalize that you will never know everything, and that this is normal. Maybe even start your own laptop.
Mark your victories
“Those who have an impostor syndrome, as a rule, are very difficult for themselves when things are not very good, and belittrate what kind of success,” says Hibberd. “When things are going well, they say“ I was just lucky ”or“ I had a good team, ”so they never feel good enough and feel torn from their achievements.”
To fight this, Hibberd asks his customers to write down three things that they did well every day. “I ask them to read them at our sessions, and at first they consider it incredibly complicated,” she says. “They will say:“ Oh, I forgot to do this ”or I clearly wriggle when they read it to me. It is much more convenient for people to reproduce that they were unhappy. But over time, the celebration of such victories seems more natural, and you can even increase negative thoughts positively. ”
Create a selfless resume
“I ask customers to write a large list of their achievements or create a large resume of everything that they did and constantly add to it,” says Life Coach Ash AmbirgThe author of the “Middle finger” project: break the impostor syndrome and live that you deserve. “I tell them to imagine that they do this for someone who is not in their industry. Many of the amazing things that they did, they never recorded and did not speak out loud. ”
Then Ambirge makes customers take a step back and imagine that they are reading about this person, as if it were not they. “I ask them:“ How would you feel if you heard about someone, who did all this? “And” What would your 16-year-old feel for a person who achieved all this? ” Sometimes just seeing your achievements on paper is enough to make you stop feeling fraud and start to feel a bully. ”
Learn to accept a compliment
“Those who fight the impostor syndrome are especially difficult to perceive and memorize compliments, and they dry success,” says Hibberd. “We must learn to take responsibility when it should be due. At first, this may feel uncomfortable or unnatural – just try to say “thank you” when someone pays you a compliment or gives you a loan. ”
The next step is to start paying your compliments. “Do not forget to tell yourself when you believe that you have succeeded,” says Hibberd. “Then you can start telling others about what you did well, achieved or learned.”
Take your failures
“Nowadays, there is a tendency – especially on the Internet – to share only the best pieces of our work or our families and friendship, and this can make the impostor's syndrome to feel even worse, since everyone else has found out,” says Brenley. “We pretend to be very well that things are without effort, but we do not share the feelings of nerves or inadequacy on this path or all the hard work that fell into the final result.”
Brencles says that by accepting our failures and mistakes – sharing their traps and even rewarding themselves and others for the possibility of training – feelings of inadequate or fraud no longer feel something that we should hide. “Growth and discomfort are a circle, not a straight line, and no one understands that 100% of the time.”
Find your branch
For many people, the impostor syndrome strikes when we try something new, putting ourselves in another context or leave our comfort zone. Ambirge says that it is then that it is important to think about what your “secret sauce” is your USP, which is translated in many different areas of your life and your interests.
“If you start something else, it is easy to feel outside your depths or how you do not know what you are doing,” she says. “But in fact, if you look at what you have done in the past, you can probably trace some common features or themes, for example, it can be creativity, or help people find their goal, or even just be curious. If you are planning your life so far, the path may seem jagged, but there will be a thread between your previous experience and this new interest or project. Sometimes this is all you need so that you understand that you are not a fraudster, trying to deceive everyone. Everything that you did before is an advantage, and you have valuable skills. Now you just apply them to another setting. ”
Adhere to the impostor's syndrome …
“Part of the power syndrome of the impostor is that it is like private shame,” says Hibberd. “But, being open about how you feel, you can start combining different parts of yourself.”
Hibberd advises talking to friends and trusted colleagues about mistakes that you feel that you have made, or even better – about fears about the mistakes that you can make in the future.
“The disclosure of our uncertainty and recognition of our struggle with others can help us to better look at how we talk to ourselves,” she says. “You can find that if you talk about how you feel, you will notice how many other people in your life sometimes feel the same, and this can be very healing.”
… but don't cling to it
“Sometimes people have lived with their impostor's syndrome for so long that they convinced themselves that this is actually a positive feature,” says Ambirge. “They might think that this is a way to guarantee that they remain humble and did not become arrogant. They also think that if you underestimate yourself, you will be motivated to improve, it makes you work more diligent, strive to ensure that you become a big head or smug and protect you if everything goes wrong.
“They feel that they don’t think that these self -proclaimed thoughts are knocking them down in any way, and it seems too risky to try another way,” she says. “But the recognition of your own skills, knowledge and experience is not arrogance. The impostor’s syndrome does not help you – he holds back you. ”
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