Anything that can be completely ruined
What a year it's been for gaming. New IP blockbusters such as Chiaroscuro And Split fiction conquered the world. Favorite franchises such as Death And Hades saw sequels that far exceeded expectations. We've even had a new hardware launch with the Nintendo Switch 2. Sure, the price may be steep, but these are great things, and of course, if 2026 is half as bad as 2025, the next 12 months will be an exciting time to be a gamer.
But here's the thing: I'm sick of all this nonsense. Christmas isn't Christmas without the Grinch, Scrooge, or your wife's boyfriend. I don't want to discuss sugar plums and candy canes. I want to talk about all the high, heavy snacks this year because being reminded of how terrible the world is brings me great satisfaction. From year to year huge satisfaction. Come, we will discuss everything that can happen from 2025, and what can go completely to hell.
10. Increasing prices for games
Ho, ho, ho. Santa came early this year. Only instead of gifts, he brought you to your knees and filled your eyes with exorbitant price increases for all your favorite games. Oh, do you like Super Mario and friends? Well you better curb your OnlyFans addiction because that shit is Expensive Now.
9. Bungie Art Theft and General Idiocy
Here's a riddle: how do you make a Bungie employee's knees go weak? Answer: Say the words “Marathon art plagiarism scandal.” Oh, and Destiny 2 performed so poorly that it cost Sony $204 million. If there was an award for the company that made most Sony execs gape and shake their onion ring asses, Bungie would hands down win it.
8. Launch the DLC.
You know, you'd have to be a real Oliver Twist idiot to think that people wouldn't understand these nefarious post-launch support plans. Why is it becoming the norm to expect us to pay for content that clearly belongs in the base game? Much more important is why do are we paying for content that clearly belongs in the base game? The more I think about it, who really is the idiot Oliver Twist?
7. Console prices rise mid-cycle
I hope you didn't wait to join the current generation. If so, you'll probably feel like you've just been promoted from asshole to appetite. But don't worry: the next line of consoles will be here before you know it, and you'll be able to play through it all again.
6.Perfect darkness suppression
Unbeknownst to me, people actually care about Perfect Dark. Apparently, rumors about the cancellation of the upcoming Perfect Dark reboot have started to circulate, and people in general have become more nervous than a cat with a long tail in a room full of rocking chairs. When the trigger was pulled, people first cried, then mourned. This is all very funny to me.
5. Forced use of online single player games only.
Forced single-player online games that feel like your drain is being held in a vice are a slap in the face to anyone clinging to old consoles. Even physical media no longer guarantees lifetime ownership. Scrooge can handle many things, but this is not one of them.
4. Release of unfinished games
I really enjoy playing with unfinished things. Nothing inspires me more than a game that's been in early access for three years. And it's especially interesting when they never reached version 1.0. At this rate, games will soon be released 15 minutes apart for a decade, and the world will be a better place for it.
3. Switch price 2
The gift is so good that you'll have to cancel your son's hockey registration fees to pay for it. Nintendo Switch 2 here and he doesn't care if it ruins your family. And if that doesn't end your relationship, it certainly will in a couple of years when the inevitable OLED version comes out.
2. Microsoft
I feel like this is low hanging fruit. It is Christmas after all. So I'd like to take the high road. All I'm saying is that if the guys behind MindsEye had a collective IQ of three, they'd be four points ahead of the decision makers at Microsoft. Xbox is dead. Game Pass may get corrupted. And those who don't accept this will undoubtedly end up chasing parked cars.
1. TO SALP
As we move closer to becoming an AI puppet civilization, I would like to take this time to express my appreciation for all that you do, Artificial Intelligence. I think you are a great addition to our daily lives and there is no chance of anything going wrong once you take over. Please keep this in mind once you complete your world enslavement. I would never tell you to go fuck yourself. Thank you.
Thanks for keeping it locked on COGconnected.
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