Advent calendars, check. Christmas tree and decorations, check. Gifts for teachers, Christmas costumes and a brand new OTA Santa's Grotto ticketing system, check. But the Christmas cards go unwritten, the to-do list keeps growing, and it's… Labubu doll Your child desperately wants him to disappear from the face of the earth.
If you feel exhausted in the last days before… Christmasyou are not alone. But research shows that this holiday overload not only makes parents tired and irritable, it also prevents them from being emotionally honest with their children.
A longitudinal study of almost 300 British parents over the Christmas period found that as burnout increases, parents are more likely to suppress their actual feelings in the moments following, which could have potential consequences for their own well-being and how children learn about emotions.
Parental burnout is a relatively new concept that describes chronic exhaustion, emotional distancing, and loss of satisfaction associated specifically with parenting. It has been linked to depression, relationship conflict and parenting dysfunction, but most previous studies have relied on one-time surveys, offering only a snapshot of the problem that can change from day to day.
To better understand how burnout occurs, Dr Ziwen Teuber of the University of Luxembourg and colleagues recruited 293 British parents – chosen in part because of the country's cultural and socio-economic diversity – and tracked their experiences in real time over the holiday season, using brief smartphone surveys sent several times a day.
“We were particularly interested in the Christmas period because it is a time when parenting stress often increases,” Teuber said. “Daily routines change, social expectations rise, financial pressures rise, and parents often feel responsible for creating enjoyable holidays for their children, which increases stress while simultaneously reducing the resources parents typically rely on for recovery.”
Teuber expected that parents who expressed their true feelings would be better protected from burnout. She found that the more exhausted parents feel, the more likely they are to put on a brave face for their children.
“Instead of talking about how they really feel, parents tend to suppress their emotions or show emotions they don't really feel—for example, pretending to be happy when they're exhausted or depressed,” she said.
While this may seem helpful in the short term, “it is not helpful in the long term—neither for the mental health of the parents nor for the interaction between parents and children.”
For example, parents may risk accumulating more stress on themselves while their children miss the opportunity to learn that all emotions, including difficult ones, are normal and manageable, she explained. The study was published in Psychology of Communications.
Separate analysis of the same data set, published as preprint, found no significant gender differences in overall levels of parental burnout. However, mothers bore greater cognitive load. “They were more involved in planning, organizing and thinking about all things Christmas,” Teuber said.
Patrick Bogdan, a psychologist at the University of Pécs in Hungary who recently co-authored a review of the impact Parental burnout affects family well-beingsaid the study challenged the assumption that good emotion regulation skills alone protect parents. Even parents who know how to manage their emotions can struggle when stress builds up faster than they can recover.
“Christmas is often portrayed as a time of love, togetherness and slowing down, but for many families it is more accurately characterized by rush and increased demands,” Bogdan said.
The myth of the “perfect Christmas,” he added, can further fuel self-criticism and emotional exhaustion. Burnout is not a personal failing, but “a natural response to long-term life stressors,” Bogdan said.
Anita Clear, a British parenting coach and author of Switching Between Work and Parenting, described parental burnout as an “occupational hazard” of modern family life. “When productivity demands exceed our resources, burnout is highly likely,” she said.
The run-up to Christmas brings a never-ending list of expectations—Elves on the Shelf, nativity plays, teacher gifts, advent calendars—but the emotional detachment and disconnection that comes with burnout “is the exact opposite of the happy family time we're trying to create,” Clear said.
“The point of Christmas is to relax and enjoy each other's company, but parents are so busy decorating that we don't have the emotional capacity to connect with our children.”
Her advice is straightforward: do less. “Take shortcuts that save time so you have time to relax and enjoy being with your family. Children I'd rather lie on the couch while you eat toast than sit at the table and eat Brussels sprouts.”
How to Survive Christmas Without Burning Out
Do less: Clear said one of the main reasons for parental burnout is the need to “get Christmas right.” “Parents don't need all the traditions. You don't have to wear Christmas pajamas and holiday duvet covers just because other people have them,” Clear said. “Choose traditions that are meaningful to you, that create the experience you want, and that embody your family values. And just do it.”
Acknowledge stress, don't mask it: Teuber says parents often suppress their true emotions in an attempt to protect their children, but this can backfire. Calm, age-appropriate honesty, such as when you say you're feeling tired or depressed, helps children understand that difficult emotions are normal and manageable, while reducing the emotional burden on parents themselves.
Create moments of recovery: Burnout tends to worsen when parents are unable to recover. Even short breaks—a walk, a lie down, a few minutes of silence—can help prevent stress from building up throughout the day. “If this is all going too far, find a sentence you can say and a place where you can back off. For example: 'I'm feeling a little stressed, I'm going to lay down for a few minutes and rest,'” Clear suggested. “Modeling healthy coping strategies for our children supports their emotional regulation as well as our own.”
Separate the emotional and mental load: Both Teuber and Clear emphasized the importance of partner support. Planning your Christmas shopping together, organizing your shopping and getting things organized – or just feeling emotionally supported – can significantly reduce pressure.
Lowering voluntary standards: Bogdan said parental burnout often affects those who have the highest expectations of themselves. “We need to understand that parental burnout is not a problem of “bad parents.” On the contrary, it often affects those parents who struggle to live up to the ideal of the ideal parent and constantly place high demands on themselves,” Bogdan said. “Over time, this constant pressure to live up to unrealistic standards can lead to exhaustion and burnout. Therefore, lowering the excessively high expectations you place on yourself is a crucial step.”
