DEAR ABBY: Woman’s mom is sabotaging her healthy eating habits

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Dear Abby: I am the stepmother of a disabled granddaughter, Laura, who has Down syndrome. She is 38 years old. A few years ago, she weighed over 300 pounds and was only 5 feet tall. She ended up in the hospital with blood clots and almost died. The courts gave custody to her father, my brother-in-law. Laura's mother visits Laura only once a week for four hours.

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When they are together, she feeds Laura so much junk food that when Laura comes home, she feels sick. Her father has spoken to his ex-wife about the issue, but she continues to do so even though she knows doctors have said Laura has an eating disorder. My daughter has worked hard to help Laura over the past few years, and Laura is now down to 140 pounds. How can they get her mother to help Laura and stop giving her all these things that make her feel so bad? — LOOKING IN Ohio

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DEAR OBSERVER: Laura's mother appears to have mental problems, so perhaps her visits are limited. While feeding your daughter junk food may be her way of trying to show love, stopping her from losing the weight she needs to be healthy is dangerous. Your son must explain what is happening to Laura's doctors and the judge who decided how long and how often Laura's mother is allowed to see her. SUPERVISION of these visits may be a solution. Please suggest this.

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Dear Abby: I've been doing live podcasts for years. This is my creative outlet, my therapy. Recently my wife gave me an ultimatum. I'm not allowed to do the podcast anymore or she'll divorce me. She says it's for “us” and not for her. Her reason is mainly because I preach atheism and also discuss many other topics.
She is a Christian. I was a Christian when we met and married, but I am not now. I want to respect her faith, but I feel like she's asking too much. My show is part of what I want to share and document with the world. It's only a few hours a week and I don't do anything else other than relax or have a hobby. I work, am responsible and fulfill all my duties as a husband.
I'm afraid of losing the show or my marriage. Is it fair to demand from my wife? I have decided to stop hosting the show for now and I am not happy. I need my wife's blessing so I can continue. Is there anything you would recommend? — MASTER IN EXILE

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DEAR HOST: I don't know how far into exile you are, but if you live within the United States, there is a certain degree of freedom of speech. Living at the behest of your wife makes you frustrated and unhappy. You have the right to express yourself, and you have an audience that appreciates it. If she decides to divorce you because of this, you might feel relieved. Call her bluff. If you do this, you may find that you are happier following your own path rather than hers.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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