For over a century, filmmakers around the world have brought vampires to life on screens big and small in hundreds of interpretations. While cinematic bloodsuckers have ranged from teen romantics to Bela Lugosi wannabes to bloody monsters, almost all of them have one characteristic in common: super weird teeth.
Vampire teeth have varied greatly throughout film history. One iconic image, of Lugosi's Count Dracula in 1931, was just old human teeth. But when you talk about blood-sucking fangs, you probably have a specific image in mind: elongated fangs, long enough to pierce the jugular vein, but not so long that they can't be plausibly retracted.
Filmmakers have, of course, tried to deviate from this classic view, with varying degrees of success (and coolness). For jailwe rank the seven vampire tooth archetypes in order of overall aesthetics, attractiveness, and creativity.
Romantic stealth
See: Dracula, Interview with the Vampire, Only Lovers Left Alive, Underworld
Perhaps the most common archetype of vampire teeth, the romantic stealth vampire has upper fangs that are either retractable or thin enough to go unnoticed (until they disappear). too late). Romantic stealth vampires are hot most of the time. They are often thin, seductive male vampires who prey on vulnerable women, or charming succubi who turn lustful men into monsters. They are glamorous or exude a seductive sexual energy, in part because they are clearly very careful about their dental hygiene.
Hot romantic invisible vampires like Only lovers will survive, A girl walks home alone at nightAnd Underworld are slightly superior to their relatives with lateral incisors and canines, similar to those observed in True Blood, Bram Stoker's DraculaAnd Lost Boys.
A bit bat-faced
See: “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “The Lost Boys”, “A Vampire in Brooklyn”
The slightly bat-faced vampires represent a general facial aesthetic rather than a purely dental one, but the group's teeth generally match their mutant faces. Vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the soon-to-be-rebooted TV show), for example, have more than just sharp fangs; they tend to have gnarled teeth, reflecting the care and attention to aesthetics that a true vampire bat might place on its mouth. That is, “none.”
However, the appearance of bat-faced vampires in films such as Lost Boys And Vampire in Brooklyn conveys a more monstrous atmosphere that contrasts sharply with their normal human appearance, giving them less mystery and more of a terrifying transformation.
Direct Repulsion
See: From Dusk Till Dawn, Vamp, Bram Stoker's Dracula
Just beyond the border of the Slightly Bat group is the repulsive group that movies love Bram Stoker's Dracula and Robert Rodriguez From dusk to dawn hugged. The former features a werebat, while the latter leans towards a snake aesthetic – including very long fangs and scaly skin.
However, Bram Stoker's Dracula is not only disgusting; his vampires range from hot, horny and burly to overly fanged, following the rule that the older the vampire, the more depraved he appears.
Quite normal for a vampire
See: Almost dark, let the one in, twilight
There is storytelling value in having a vampire who looks like a completely normal person. Or at least the Hollywood version of A Pretty Normal Man. Just a guy or gal who might end up bleeding from time to time, which begs the question of whether they are creatures of the night or have incredibly poor appetite control. A fairly normal vampire can make things interesting, especially when he looks like a tough, dirty guy like Bill Paxton in Almost dark or a boring energy vampire like Colin from What are we doing in the shadows.
Of course, conceit Twilight relies on vampires to be beautiful, and Edward and the rest of the Cullen clan tend to be pale (sometimes shiny) and chiseled, with teeth that make you think, “This guy has slightly exaggerated fangs, but he definitely looks pretty normal.”
There's nothing wrong with having fairly normal vampire teeth, but you have to make them visually interesting or attractive.
Buck's tooth
See: Nosferatu, Salem's Lot, Vampires Suck, What We Do in Petyr's Shadows
Sorry, I understand that perfectly well NosferatuCount Orlok from Count Orlok is a true example of the cinematic vampire, and I mean no disrespect. But the sharp, protruding Orlok-style teeth that influenced similar bloodsuckers is a visual design I can't take seriously. Rat appearance of Orlok (and Kurt Barlow from the original adaptation Salem section) is off-putting – not to mention the stereotypical anti-Semitic caricature elements of the original Nosferatu in the villain.
In other words, the canines are the best place, the lateral incisors are acceptable, but the central incisors are not where a vampire's fangs should be!
Too many teeth
See: Renfield, Van Helsing, Supernatural, 30 Days of Night
Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale's take on Van Helsing is a fun and cheesy good time that features some fantastic vampires with slightly bat-like faces. But the movie's Dracula is a prime example of the rule that there can be too much of a good thing. A mouthful of Dracula fangs, played by Richard Roxburgh. Van Helsing it's a visual disaster, thanks in no small part to the film's clunky CGI special effects. They are definitely of their time.
Vampires from supernatural And 30 days of night they have the same over-fanged Chicleta-sized teeth that make me sick rather than scared. I don't want to see that much vampire gum… ever!
Predatory mouth
See: Blade 2 And Trinity
I'm in the minority when it comes to Wesley Snipes' Blade trilogy. I'm not a fan! (I love Wesley Snipes though How Blade.) Much of my apathy for the Blade film franchise probably stems from the recent films' attempt to one-up the regular vampires with mutant super-vampires called Reapers. These next generation of vampires have jaws that separate, giving way to a retractile sphincter that not only sucks out blood, but also takes away any sense of cool associated with vampires.
After all, Blade's goofy-looking Reapers only highlight how good Parker Posey's vampire teeth and Triple H's Jarko Grimwood's replacement metal teeth are. Trinity Blade. It could be argued that these particular teeth (and the name Bright Grimwood) are the best thing about the person. Trinity Blade full stop.
