People warned me that motherhood would “change everything,” and they were right. However, some things I was told were different from my experience. After my beautiful daughter turned one, I was waiting for that feeling that many parents talk about – the feeling I miss another child. The excitement I often heard about when trying to give birth to baby #2, as well as the fantasy of pushing a double stroller around the neighborhood.
But instead I felt something else. I felt calm. I felt whole. I felt that my family of three brought me confidence. I did not secretly hope that another child would appear in our family. I felt made. And I don’t regret this (and never will).
I love my daughter, but motherhood is also work.
I love being a mom more than anything in the world. I love my daughter so much that tears come to my eyes just thinking about her. But it's also the hardest job I've ever had, and it's a part of motherhood that gets talked about less often when the topic comes up. Most often people talk about the magic of having children and how it goes so quickly. However, there is also a mental load that sometimes weighs on you. And no matter how much you love your child, you can still pass out from overwork and overstimulation.
I one and done because I know myself and what I can handle. I don't think I'll be doing this rodeo more than once. I know what a great mother I can be if I don't overexert myself, and I think having another child could help do just that.
As a young mother, I learned that “good moms” should want more and do more. More children, more overstimulation and more victims. And this is where I draw the line. Personally I feel that have a second child It would be incredibly hard on my mental health. I'm already at breaking point—I'm the host of the morning radio show The Fred Show, the CEO and founder of The Mami Collective, and the primary caregiver (or, depending on who you ask, the default parent) of my 18-month-old daughter.
Having another child will likely put my marriage to the ultimate test. I also spent 12 years building my career – one that I'm so proud of, that brings me so much joy – and I feel like it would force me to compromise a lot of this hard work. So, instead of having another child, I choose myself. And because I choose myself, my daughter has the most fulfilled and happy version of me.
The author believes that having only one child gives her greater emotional freedom. Photo credit: Lisette Garcia
I make this choice for myself, my husband and my daughter.
I prefer to do everything in my power to avoid becoming a mom who is hanging on by a thread. I want to put everything I can into my daughter and give her the best version of herself, and to do that I need emotional range. While I'm glad to be a mother, I think being the mother of an only child will allow me to do it all in the best balance – for my daughter, my husband, and for myself.
I know some people may judge my choice not have another childbut I don’t want to disappear into motherhood. I have an identity outside of this part of myself. And I'm not here to fit into someone's story that wants me to lose myself to prove that I love my child.
I can say that my body has been through enough during pregnancy. I can say that my mental health matters. I am allowed to love my child with everything I have, and at the same time love my decision to be “all and done.” Because motherhood doesn't come with a reward for burnout. My daughter doesn't need a sibling to be healthy, and I don't need to sacrifice myself to prove that I'm a good mom.
