I’m very hung up on this birthday thing – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: I am the first to realize that we live in a different world than 20 or 25 years ago. That is, it seems that everything began to change very quickly; everyone is always busy, there is no time for anything, the expectation of instant gratification.

Is it becoming more common to abandon what was once common practice? Recently, a close (immediate) family member and their own family (spouse and children) were unable to send me a simple birthday greeting (text message or phone call, even a card in the mail). I'm not one of those people who advertises to the general public that it's my birthday, but a simple acknowledgment from close family is nice.

I see other things like this more often now – people not answering the phone, not texting, not sending thank you messages, not reaching out to us anymore, having a family dinner every once in a while, etc. It seems like everyone is kind of operating in their own bubble and when they have to go out it is seen as an inconvenience.

However, I am very focused on this birthday. A couple of weeks later, I was unable to attend a small family event because I felt I would be miserable there, given the circumstances, and wanted to spare others present from such behavior. What are your thoughts?

– Excited

Dear Confused: We're more connected than ever, but that connection, especially through devices, can sometimes have the negative effect of making us feel more isolated. We are inundated with information and it is easy for humanity to get lost in the shuffle.

At the risk of sounding technophobic, place more blame on the machine and the system than on individuals. Yes, loved ones can lend a helping hand on special days, and they should. But it appears that this neglect of your birthday has led to the larger social anxiety that you have.

Try to approach this from a person to person perspective. You may be feeling lonely, and that's okay as long as the people in your life know it. “It was my birthday recently and I love hearing from those I care about on special occasions. I miss you and would like to talk more. Can we do that?”

Dear Eric: I'm 71 and have read a lot of advice on how to meet people and make new friends, but they all involve “groups” that have never appealed to me because I'm an introvert. I'm not at all comfortable being in large groups, I get too irritated by too much chatter. It's very tiring and I also feel obligated to participate in group conversations that I don't enjoy.

I've been told in the past that I might seem snobbish, reserved, or standoffish. I wish people would realize that some of us are just introverts. There's nothing personal about anyone, it's just how we're wired.

I prefer to have one-on-one meetings, but I would be comfortable with a group of no more than four people at a time.

My interests are all “quiet”; gardening, nature, wildlife (all animals), hiking, photographing beautiful landscapes, exploring small towns and historic homes, traveling to new places, art exhibits, enjoying relaxing meals in quiet restaurants, being on or near the water. All of these things that I enjoy are best enjoyed in the company of one person.

But I would like to have more than one friend. What advice do you have for people like me?

– Lonely friend

Dear friend: There are some groups, especially groups focused on the interests you listed, that have a more passive membership style. Think about a Master Gardener program or a historical society, for example. You might consider joining one—which often involves simply signing up for a mailing list or paying for a membership—and posting your interest in meeting in person on the group message board.

While it's important to exercise caution when meeting new people, especially one-on-one, you may find others who are less inclined to large groups and eager to socialize.

Also consider joining purposefully small trips, such as a museum tour with strict restrictions, or even a backpacking tour that is similarly small and less focused on group socialization. You need to look for something that will allow you to pursue your interests first.