Olivia Nuzzi no stranger to controversy. FormerNew York The magazine reporter became famous for the 2024 scandal surrounding her alleged sex role with the presidential candidate she was writing about, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., now the health secretary. It looked like the end of her journalism career, but she got back on her feet with a new job at Vanity Fair and her new memoirs American Canto. But now Nuzzi's story is taking an even more bizarre turn: reports have emerged that she once had a secret life – as aspiring teen pop starunder the name Livvy. In 2009, when she was 16, she released a pseudo-Britney banger called “Jailbait.”
Subtle, that's not true. “Out of 16 you get 20,” sings Livvy. “The teen queen is right in front of you/An illicit dream, a killer to be chased.” She chokes on “the thirst for sin” over synth-disco beats, boasting, “When you hear my name, bad things happen / Deny your urge, but I'm not ashamed.” In the chorus, she screams, “Bait! You try to stay away too, but you can't obey!”
Yes, the song is terrible, much worse than you would expect. Is this real? It's too early to tell. Is this whole story crazy? Without a doubt. So let's delve into the bizarre mystery of this insanely bad, quite possibly fake Olivia Nuzzi song.
Livvy should be taken with a grain of salt, as this story is so sketchy in its sources that even the New York Post had a spasm of conscience and inserted “apparently” in ice. (And this from a newspaper that just gave us the classic “Red Apple” headline after the election of Zohran Mamdani with the note “For your Marx, get ready, Zo!”) Nuzzi made a strangely ambiguous statement about Mailand her rep said: “It was a satirical joke from Olivia's time as a child actor and was never intended to be taken seriously.”
According to her assumption MySpace ProfileSince 2009, she has dressed in the style of American clothing advertisements: purple headband, black bracelets, T-shirt dress, thigh-high boots. Another photo shows her wearing a white lace chemise over a black bra and leather pants, with a pair of handcuffs hanging from her wrist. She describes herself as a “visual, conceptual artist with a penchant for pop music.”
All traces of Livvy have been erased from the Internet – the only digital trace is a post on a music blog. Pop Justice, since February 2010. “Bait is about the role of an underage, hypersexualized girl in society,” explains Livvy. “That girl who takes half-naked photos of herself in the mirror with her phone camera. It's about the pornographic ideals that pervade our collective consciousness, this obsession with youth and beauty. I'm not saying any of this is wrong, I'm just stating that it is. This song is about me coming to social awareness.”
The MySpace page is a veritable artistic manifesto that explains Livvy's entire concept. “Creating a multimedia character for herself, Livvy came up with a series of short films, Emotional: The Life of a Pop Object, filmed on the streets of downtown New York.” It depicts “the life of a devoted student of pop culture who abandoned her conventional life and immersed herself in a world made of plastic.”
There is good reason to doubt how realistic this is. The recording doesn't scream “2009” at you (without AutoTune!), but sounds like adults singing out of college. Photos of Livvy look more like a Real Housewife than a ninth grader. Listen to a song written by a real teenager of the era, like Rebecca Black's “Friday,” and it sounds timeless.
No one can say with certainty how reliable this is, since it is incredibly easy to come up with such a hoax. You can come up with a Livvy character during your coffee break using an AI track and fake screenshots from a conveniently remote MySpace. (No Livvy on Twitter—in 2009? Doubtful.) If you took the test blindfolded, you'll have to admit that you wouldn't guess that “Jailbait” was written by a real teenager. You'd think this would be a grown man with a comedic bent trying to make a lame sketch about sexy teen pop stars. I mean, this was almost ten years after Andy Dick appeared on MTV with his brilliant Britney/Xtina parody character Daphne Aguilera. “Jailbait” sounds exactly like Daphne's. TRL the anthem “Naughty Child Made a No-No.”
“Jailbait” was presumably written in late 2009 or early 2010 and is a heavily influenced disco stick ride Lady Gaga (the year's breakout artist with hits like “Poker Face” and “LoveGame”) and Britney (in her Circus era, with “Womanizer”, “3” and “If You're Looking for Amy”). PopJustice jokes that she “makes Ke$ha sound reasonable. If this were a New York club girl recording her own single in the late 2000s, you might expect to hear influences from LaRoux (“Bulletproof”), Ting Tings (“That's Not My Name”) or Knife (“Heartbeat”), music played at the parties she dreamed of going to, although there is no trace of “Jailbait” on it. The music sounds like a terrible Brooklyn electro-indie band opening for Crystal Castles or Yachts at Studio B and then rushing home to make sure Tivo was caught. Gossip.
In the PopJustice article, Livvy is not interviewed or claims to confirm her identity. It simply quotes an email she sent them. “Offensive,” “meaningless,” “frothy,” “bubblegum,” “outrageous,” “morally bankrupt,” and “undoubtedly infectious,” she wrote. “These are just some of the words that have been used to describe “Jailbait” and the pre-legal mind behind it, sixteen-year-old singer-songwriter Livvy.”
“Decoy” seems to foretell her future personality, which has been well documented in gossip columns. Nuzzi represented Kennedy for New York when their alleged sexting began, during his ridiculous presidential campaign that led to his current position as health secretary, which he sucks at. She was 31, he was 71, and married to Cheryl Hines (yes, Larry David's ex). Kennedy denied everything, but Hines has a new memoir that discusses the scandal. Meanwhile, Nuzzi has his own memoirs. American Cantowith her poetic reflections on their failed romance. “He was willing,” she writes. “He wanted to desire. He wanted to be desired. He wanted desire itself.” Oh, it goes on.
“Decoy” also appears to prefigure her alleged relationship with television journalist Keith Olbermann, who met her when she was a teenager and helped her through college, while also disgracing South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, best known for disappearing from work and turning up a week later in Buenos Aires with an accomplice. “Jailbait” seems to foreshadow gossip as Livvy sings, “Bad things happen to those who hunt/Basic instinct to die another day/16 will get you 20, criminal lust/Irresistible, that's why they call me…bait!»
On her MySpace page, she compares herself to legends throughout pop history. “The day Madonna released Erotica.” The day Andy Warhol made his first film. The day Freddie Mercury sang his last note. The day Judy Garland conceived Liza Minnelli. The day when Britney Spears told you to hit again. The day Cher first met glitter. The day Candy Darling took her last breath. The day Mick Jagger first appeared on stage. The day Pamela Anderson discovered silicone. The day David Bowie sang “Lady Stardust” The day Michael Jackson first put on a white glove… was Livvy's birthday.”
So who is she? “Livvy is a sixteen-year-old singer, songwriter and actress. A former Wilhelmina model, she has appeared in various commercials, films, television programs and print advertisements since she started in the business at the age of five. Influenced by pop stars, rock stars, rap stars, movie stars and tabloid stars, Livvy is ready to explode on the music scene and dominate the pop world.”
LIVVY – pop choir.
LIVVY is a rock ballad.
LIVVY is a hip-hop beat.
LIVI is the past.
LIVVI is the future.
LIVVIE is now… and she's going to blow your mind.
Pop gave me life
Olivia Nuzzi has certainly achieved fame, although perhaps not the kind she aspired to as a pop star or teen actress. We may never know who Livvy is or where she came from. But for Nuzzi, who knows, perhaps this will be a highlight in his career.
