Photo: Michael Serin/Bravo
If in this stupid world everyone Netflix show starts with a corpsethen almost every Bravo show starts with a giant fight. It's the same technique: show us the craziest thing that's going to happen this season – in this case, a fight between Austin and Craig over how Austin feels about Craig's claims that he's a drug addict – and then work backwards. everything worked with the original The Real Housewives of New Jerseywhich started with Teresa Giudice's infamous table flip (which is more like a table flip, but whatever) and then rewinded to show us how we got there. However, it seems like he's getting diminishing returns in the Bravoverse, especially since those who follow the press gossip already know what the dynamics are likely to look like this season. And this episode is great for setting up the storylines that we'll follow in the next 15 episodes, as well as the two reunion specials. Looks like it's a great season. Did we really need hindsight?
Before the season had to skip forward two months, it had to be moved back a few months because a lot had changed for our Craig Conover, arguably the best hair man on television. That she's still leading the story on this show, even after she's gone, is a testament to the power of our queen, Paige DeSorbo. Southern CharmBravo and reality TV in general. Madison, as pregnant as the pause after your MAGA uncle stops talking at Thanksgiving, stops by Craig's house to talk about how he's feeling after the breakup. “I was betrayed by the person I trusted most in this world. We had our whole future planned out,” he tells her. To illustrate the betrayal, the editors review all the Bravoverse footage to show Paige talking about how she thought he was a liar, that he told her she shouldn't break up with him before she saw the ring he bought her, and that she didn't think the ring ever existed because, well, see previous point.
We then get some sort of reality TV dump where Craig talks about how he started dating the first girl who showed him attention because “my ex” moved on and he was lonely. “She made me feel whole again, and that's not fair to her, but when I became whole again, I knew I had a lot more to do,” he says. So yeah, Craig dumped her ass and now he's single, hanging out with boys and asking for shots while he and Austin are chasing tails in Los Angeles.
Austin and Shep talk about this new Craig as they go to get Madison's shower gift. Shep doesn't want to spend $100 on a rocking horse or $350 on a giant teddy bear in honor of Madison's daughter Teddy, named after her father as well as herself. beloved podcaster and cancer survivor. What did Shep give her? Book. And not just any book. This is a copy There are mothers worse than you. I love how these two refuse to stop hating each other. He and Austin are so close that when he calls her, she answers the phone with, “Hey, girl!” But Shep still walks these streets giving her passive-aggressive gifts when he could have saved up enough money to buy his next girlfriend another shark tooth necklace.
After they buy gifts, Austin tells Shep that on a trip to Los Angeles just a few days ago, they were at a bar and Craig asked, “Do you want to try it?” Austen was confused because Craig's storyline last year was that he didn't hang out with guys as much because he didn't want to be tempted to drink. On the beach during the cast's trip, Craig told Austin that he was a drug addict. He said this while sitting next to a half-drunk bottle of champagne, so the fact that he was still drinking shouldn't have been that big of a surprise, but here we are, Austin and Shep, not reading the signs. Shep says he doesn't know what's going on with Craig because Paige was Craig's only friend and confidante. “He put all his eggs in this basket, and that basket fell down,” which is as close to a reading of Phaedra Parks as the boys in this series get.
Now we need to go to Molly's house for a while, and I need to deal with the resourceful dandy. “Molly, you're in danger, girl” GIF. She just moved into a tiny (but adorable on the outside) house, and there's crap everywhere. There's her famous euphonium, a scooter she doesn't ride, and a collection of thousands of shark teeth, so it's a miracle that she and Shep didn't get along after meeting last season. If Rodrigo still had a mustache, I would think we were just as gay, because he tells her that she needs to clean up and clean up the place. She has three cats (including one with the adorable name Robert Downey Jr.), a dog, and a newly acquired snake and gecko. She also said she cleared pathways through trash to places she frequents. Rodrigo says this leads to hoarding, and he's right. I love Molly, but sis, you need to get your act together before the next reality show you're on… Intervention.
Later, at Madison's baby shower, Molly hits it off with Corey Kiefer, a big piece of meat from Winter house And Summer HouseCraig's best friend. Wait, last we saw him, he was dating Sam Feher, the blonde bombshell from the Hamptons. What happened to this? Either way, Molly loves his fuckboy energy now. They flirt and she tells him he can come to her house and hold her snake. He said he would rather she held him. ZING! But all I thought about was Molly, don't bring this man home. He will never call you again. Instead, he'll call the Environmental Protection Agency to clean up the superfund site.
Madison's Soul, lovingly orchestrated by Miss Pat for big money, has another Paige-centric storyline, but it involves the feud between Craig and Venita. This is sort of a later reality story about Venita's interview on Viall files and Craig's comments on Watch what happens liveand these two haven't said or done anything to each other in real life. Venita said on the podcast that she was on Paige's side in the breakup, that she thought Craig was squeezing the attention out of her, and that Craig should have stopped rumors that Paige was cheating on him even though he knew she wasn't. In light of these comments, Craig said he did not want to communicate with Venita. (The strangest thing about all this is that there is footage of Venita and others Southern Charm The girls all watch this episode together. I understand why they would have a viewing party together, but why would anyone film their reaction?)
At the party, Venita doesn't want to talk to Craig because she's afraid of his temper and doesn't want to be the one who starts a fight on Madison's big day. It was a great deal. Madison looked radiant, Miss Patricia beamed with pride, and her husband Brett's hands looked like two melons you wanted to sink your teeth into. What? Just because she's about to give birth to their first child doesn't mean I can't appreciate the male form. He's still straight. I guess I'll have to settle for equally big Rodrigo, and they're not far off considering they came in wearing the same shirt. Rod also gave Madison a very thoughtful gift and painted a picture for her. Craig had the same idea and made her a quilt after spending a month in Missouri learning the art. When will someone just put Craig out of his misery and give him a Martha Stewart style show on Netflix where he can show off his domestic skills? It can't get any worse than Love, Megan.
Returning to Craig and Venita, their feud is complicated by Venita's newfound friendship with Sally and her extra “E” which also stands for “Extra”. After Venita broke up with JT, a total asshole who did us all a favor when went to Bali foreverSally visited her every day, and from then on they became inseparable. Sally really wants Venita and Craig to get along because she is also in love with Craig. Venita and Craig kept avoiding each other until Sally came over and told Venita, “We need you to talk to Craig.” We? Who are we? Her and the producers? Venita says no, and Sally replies, “I'm ready for you to…” and Venita replies that she is not ready. Exactly! Let Venita do it in her free time. Like she's going to go to a party at Whitney's cabin and start a drunken conversation with Craig before she wants to talk to him? This is crazy.
I wasn't a big fan of Sally before this, but this really turns me against her. As Venita says, Sally is a girl until a man gets involved. Sally says she's not breaking girl code, at least not in her opinion. She says that if Venita and Craig start yelling, Venita will support her, but until then, she can just flirt with Craig and that's okay. Logically this doesn't make sense. If a fight broke out and she supported Venita, then she thinks Craig did something wrong. If Craig did something wrong, especially with her friend, why would she date him? It's like he already has one strike against him. Instead, Sally stands with her mouth agape and her eyes wide. Venita tries to leave, heading towards the landscaped gate at the end of the driveway. Through it she can see outside, the evening sky, open space, freedom. She can almost feel it, a wave of calm that will wash over her, slowing her heartbeat and calming her shaking, but it doesn't. “Open the gate,” she shouts, but no one listens. “Open the gate,” she shouts as the cages close around her again.
