II'm pretty sure I'm half human and half plant – how else can I explain why I need light to thrive? During the daylight hours I feel good, but when winter comes and the light begins to dim, I begin to wilt.
I have struggled with seasonal affective disorder (sad) since I was a teenager. garden symptoms are similar to regular depression with low mood and lethargy and can be just as debilitating. Over the years, I've experienced the full spectrum of sadness, from moments of extreme fatigue and carb cravings (yes, those are official symptoms of sadness) to the low point of crying on the kitchen floor after school because it was so cold, dark, and gloomy.
I've always found it hard to enjoy the coziness of early winter, when Sad feels like a curse waiting to pounce, the inevitable winter bug living through the season. But maybe it shouldn't have been this way? Tired of losing months of my life in darkness every winter, one day I decided to take a deep dive into the science of the Garden and even talked to a serious Finnish scientist about it for an article I was writing. His advice? Sit in front of a light box emitting 10,000 lux for an hour at least five times a week. Eight out of ten people will have good results with this, the Finn explained, and it should be started a couple of weeks before symptoms usually appear. And do it in the morning.
It seemed too easy at first – the standard Garden advice is to “light up”, but I had tried Garden lamps and lunchtime walks before without much success. But I didn't realize timing was so important: you need to shine that light into your eyeballs soon after waking up—before 10 a.m.—because the whole point is to help your circadian rhythm. Darkness makes people with the Garden adrift because our bodies can't keep track of time, and the body clock affects so much, from hormones, hunger, digestion and immune function to alertness, memory and sleep.
I was desperate, so I decided to follow the instructions exactly. I bought new bulbs for my 10 year old Sad lamps and placed them on either side of me on a window seat that gets morning sun or at least cloudy light. Last winter, I sat there first thing every morning and read a book in the blinding light, coffee in hand.
Honestly, I was shocked at how well it worked. I still had my dark days, but my new easy routine made me feel mostly like myself. Instead of getting tired as the days got shorter, I was ready to get on with the day. I could skip the morning every now and then without any ill effects, but I soon found myself drawn to the light because I knew it would lift my spirits, especially on a rainy day.
As winter progressed, I realized that light went far beyond just giving me the energy to get through the day—I also had the energy to have fun. Instead of preferring a blanket on the couch most January evenings, I find myself wanting to go out to dinner and dance on the weekends. I was best able to appreciate how beautiful winter can be when you're awake enough to notice it.
Now winter is almost here again, I am again in front of a bright window and no longer afraid of the dark.
