DEAR ABBY: Teacher experiencing big changes in class and at home

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Dear Abby: I'm getting married soon and I'm very excited. This is a real blessing. I love my fiancée very much and am happy to spend the rest of my life with her. However, I have one concern: her daughters. They are great girls. Both are teenagers. I told them I would be whatever they wanted me to be, trying not to force them into any relationship they weren't ready for. My problem is that I am their high school teacher.

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I have a great relationship with both girls, but in an effort to make them as comfortable as possible at school, I have distanced myself from the other students. I have become grumpier and am quickly becoming a teacher with a lot of homework that all the students don't like. I've always been a “good” teacher, so this is a big change for me. However, I did it because the girls are grateful for it. The angrier I am at school, the better my relationships with girls at home.

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The other girls in their class gossip a lot, and they have told the girls some disturbing things about me because I'm marrying their mom. Am I doing the right thing? I'm starting to feel miserable at work, but it makes my home life with my new family very enjoyable. — PROFESSOR MIAN IN THE WEST

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DEAR PROF. KEEP IN MIND: The right thing? Have you discussed this stupid plan with your director? What good does it do to go from liking students to distancing yourself to turn your fiancée's daughters into teachers' pets? If this continues, they will become social outcasts. You don't have to choose between being popular at school or being liked by your future stepdaughters. In just a few years, they won't be home, and you'll be the least favorite teacher in school if you're still working there.

Dear Abby: I invited a woman I know for coffee. She politely refused. I replied that I hoped my question would not create awkwardness between us and that we could continue to be friends. She agreed and our friendship continues. I'm in my early 50s. I'm guessing she's in her late 60s or early 70s. I've always found more mature women attractive. We talk or text each other, and in good weather we talk outside. We actually had coffee recently, which was platonic unless I missed the sign she put up there.

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Abby, do you think that social pressure keeps people from getting into relationships? Should I try to stay within my age range? — READY AND WISHING IN NEW YORK

DEAR READY: There are many reasons why people hold back from getting into a relationship. The main one is the lack of chemistry, not the age difference. Judging by what you wrote, you were placed in the “friend” category. If you're looking for romance, you'll have to look elsewhere. Sticking to your age range will eliminate this factor, but not the others.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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