Grandson embezzled more than $100,000 – Chicago Tribune

Dear Eric: I am in a 10 year relationship without marriage. My girlfriend continues to communicate with her 50-year-old son. Make him decide for her what to do in the relationship. She doesn't want to communicate with me. One day she tells me she loves me and the next day she doesn't want to talk.

Should I just end the relationship? I have tried to explain to her what she did to me, but she won't let me finish the conversation when I continue to explain her actions towards me. Is this a narcissist and should I end the relationship completely?

– Unloved

Dear Unloved: First, a couple of follow-up questions to ask yourself. Has it always been this way or is this something new? Have you explored couples counseling (without your son obviously)? Do you feel that your son's influence on your girlfriend is more than just intrusive, i.e. emotionally manipulative?

The answers to these questions probably won't change the answer to your important question, but they may offer some context or options for getting help from your girlfriend.

The main answer remains the same: this relationship is not right for you right now, and it looks like it's time to leave. Communication is the cornerstone of a relationship, so if you can't talk to each other (or if she doesn't want to talk to you), it's hard to see a path forward. Are you happy together? Do you feel appreciated?

In a relationship, you may not feel swoony and in love every day, but the hot/cold holding she's doing is unhealthy and unkind. She is not in a place to be the partner either of you needs.

Dear Eric: My sister and I were never close. My sister, I'll call her Lydia, has been a pathological liar since she could talk.

Our mother became deathly ill, could not bear to be alone, and was adamant that she would never be placed in a long-term nursing home. She was financially able to pay for her care in her home. Mom's grandson volunteered to stay with her. Due to macular degeneration, mom gave her grandson access to her financial information and added him as a signer. Long story short, the grandson embezzled over $100,000.

We have agreed that a government-appointed guardian ad litem will take over the finances immediately. The grandson was removed.

Lydia had worked as a caregiver for over 25 years, so she was hired.

Six months later, my mother died quietly at home. A few weeks later, Lydia called me and told me that she had “accidentally” taken some of her mother’s rings home with her. She must have known that the guard would take inventory and discover they were missing. She made up some ridiculous story about how they ended up in her purse. She even went so far as to tell me that she took them to a pawn shop for an appraisal.

She told me she would send them back, which she did. So, I was in no contact mode, feeling betrayed by Lydia. A family member told me I needed to get over it because “we all know what Lydia is like.”

I feel bad about being made out to be the “bad” one in this situation. I am sure that the family heard Lydia's version of the truth, which most likely bears little resemblance to the real facts. How do you suggest I handle this situation?

– Ring of Truth

Expensive ring: This may be the best of a series of bad results. Lydia may have been, as you suspect, trying to get away with stealing the rings, but that ultimately didn't happen, and now the rings are back.

You can't control what Lydia does, and you can't control what your family thinks. If you don't want to talk to her, there's no need to, but if you choose to “no contact” with the goal of teaching her a lesson or getting her to change behavior, you may continue to feel frustrated.

I understand that Lydia's history of lies and the trauma of catching another relative who embezzled money from your mother have greatly affected you. I don't think your response is unfair or unreasonable. But it will help you to say, “This person can’t help himself.”