It's good to see that there are young men who are actively seeking alternatives to the types of masculinity that are displayed online (I am a teenager who has been lured into the manosphere. Here's how to reach young people like me November 2). But for me, Josh Sargent's article is more than just manosphere. It's about the platforms that make this easier, and how social media takes attention away from things like reading and onto things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Josh says it himself: “To be honest, the short content is a little more interesting than the Macbeth quote cards.” This is really worrying.
It is true that the education system can and should do better, but I also think we need to be reminded that young people have always felt alienated from the education system. They were always frustrated and felt ignored and misunderstood, and I think a lot of young people today forget that. It's not just them. John Hughes has made an entire career writing about disillusioned youth and the pressures of living up to expectations of masculinity. And femininity (women have long endured pressure that they are not “feminine” enough, “can’t cope” as mothers, as women, etc.). It took a long time for alternatives to emerge and we are not there yet. So, what frustrates me most about the idea of toxic masculinity is that (some) men think their experiences are somehow unique, so they lash out at women.
To Josh and others I say: get off TikTok. This may not be the only reason for the manosphere, but it feeds on it. Social media itself is toxic: it gives preference to what is trivial and superficial. Instead, young people (and everyone) should try to regain their focus. Go read East of Eden. Go and read The Brothers Karamazov. While you're at it, read The Handmaid's Tale. Ignore the static of social media and turn frustration into art.
Siobhan Lyons
Media and Culture Researcher, Sydney, Australia.
I was not at all surprised to read Josh Sargent's advice on how to attract young people like him. Having worked with young people in the North East of England over the past decade, I see the same frustration and uncertainty that Josh describes, yet the media insists on seeing it only as misogyny and toxicity. Ten years ago, I argued that we needed to stop talking about a “crisis of masculinity.” We didn’t stop: we simply replaced the word “crisis” with “toxic.” Now we call boys “lost.”
Josh writes: “I can promise you, we are not lost. We are just waiting for you to hear us.” Well said. But boys shouldn't be responsible for saying it louder. The rest of us should listen better.
Talk of crisis, toxicity, and lostness is not only unhelpful, but it empowers the very voices it purports to counter. The manosphere tells young people that they will not be seen, heard or valued. So stop doing their work for them. If young people are struggling with money, meaning and masculinity, then make these legitimate topics of public conversation rather than shameful private ones. The only way to remove concerns about pec sizes, penis sizes and salary packages from the steroid-fuelled manosphere is to make it socially normal for young people to talk about them openly. Young people don't need saving. They need to be taken seriously.
Dr. Michael J. Richardson
Senior Lecturer in Human Geography, Newcastle University
As the mother of a 17-year-old boy, I was interested in reading Josh Sargent's article on masculinity. I went upstairs to interrupt the game and get the opinions of seven of his male friends, ranging in age from 17 to 19. Most of them study practical professions in college or undergo internships, the rest work in factories. What follows is a summary of what they told me.
Yes, they see “toxicity” and “masculinity” coming together online. They noted that “men treat a lot of girls like crap” and that “big muscular guys who want to fight” are examples of toxic masculinity. No approval was given for this.
They noted that being masculine is not a bad thing, although the situation has changed: some girls can be masculine, and some boys they know are quite feminine. They wondered why everything needed to be labeled when all sorts of people could be toxic.
Identifying male role models was pretty poor, with only one guy naming action actors. They felt that Grimsby/Cleethorpes was reasonably well supplied with youth activities, had a high regard for Treen (sporting and social events) and were interested in the new Horizon Centre, which would open soon. They believed that schools were too strict and that children with unidentified needs were called naughty, secluded all day and never learned anything. One noted that schools look the same as they did 100 years ago, and what people need to learn has changed.
They read this letter and allowed me to send it. I was impressed by the nuances of their thinking, and now that I understand more, I don't have to worry. I'm glad there is funding for some youth activities in our area. Josh Sargent was right: open and honest conversations with boys are the way to go.
Vicki Dunn
Grimsby, Lincolnshire
