DEAR ABBY: Creep’s presence keeps woman from attending get-togethers

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Dear Abby: I have a group of wonderful girlfriends that I have known for decades. We get together every month for dinner and drinks at a local restaurant. Location usually left depends on whose birthday it is month and usually varies between three options.

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Sometimes I leave if they choose a restaurant that caters to the local assholes. This man, “Bob,” was never charged with a crime, but I became one of his victims 20 years ago, a few weeks after the death of my first husband. Bob broke into my house and stole items from my husband's office. I was there at the time and he came into my bedroom while I was getting dressed. I shouted at him and he replied that I didn't have heard him knocking on the door and “he wanted to make sure I was okay.”

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I have no connections To Bob, but that's what my friends do. They all know about his actions and reputation. So does the owner of his late-night hangout, but Bob is a fun guy from the bar and buys the drinks, so everyone (except me) is okay with it. I get PTSD at the thought of attending one of our dinners when this place is chosen, so I usually skip those nights.

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Several women in my friend's group told me that I should just “get over it” but I can't. Any advice on how to deal with this? —VICTIM IN WISCONSIN

DEAR VICTIM: I regret what happened that day. Although Bob didn't touch you, the horror was real. I have a couple of suggestions regarding how to deal with it. First, continue to refuse to attend birthday parties that might put you at risk of meeting the person who broke into your home. (Have you filed a police report?) Also, think twice about how “wonderful” a friend is who chooses this restaurant for her party. If your PTSD continues, consider consulting with a licensed mental health professional who specializes in it.

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Dear Abby: I have was engaged three times, and each time something happened and led to the breakdown of the engagement. be broken. I 38 now. I not sure if the marriage will ever take place, but his something I was looking forward to and is my dream. However, the more I think about it and how things are these days, I can't help, but I wonder if this will ever happen For to me. What do you think I should do—keep hoping or put marriage on the back burner? — HOPE VERSUS HOPE IN INDIANA

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DEAR HOPE: Sit down and ask yourself what went wrong with each of your obligations so this is there won't be repeat. Then start planning a different life for yourself, interesting, filled with things to do, adventures and studying subjects that interest you. This can become your gratifying REALITY. If you do this, it will introduce you to people you otherwise wouldn't have met. Of course, you can continue to “hope” for marriage, but your chances of finding what You It will be better to search if you become more active than if you are busy with this “dream”.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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