Rou-milk, LED light, tomahawk steak and soft toy. They're more suited to the Generation Games conveyor belt than the everyday life of a Premier League star, but these are just some of the things the Manchester City and Norway striker Erling Haaland attributes his success.
Haaland recently general routine, he believes, helps him stay at the top of his game both on and off the field, but what good does it do for the Guardian journalist? Could this give an idea of how to match Haaland's amazing physique, boyish looks that belie his actual age (25) and reported net worth greater than £50 million? It's time to find out – at least for a day.
The morning should start with a simple cup of coffee, some raw milk and sweetener. Which doesn't sound so bad. But when I open the carton of milk, I realize that this is not going to be a drink I can enjoy. There are hard, coiled clumps of fat on top and a pungent aroma emanates from the bottle. I reluctantly pour milk into my coffee, and soon an oily film settles on top.
The taste is tolerable, but the swirling spots are off-putting. I can't stand more than a few sips.
Haaland is famous drink two full glasses of raw milk a day, so impulsively I drink a glass of it myself. Never again. Luckily, this is followed by a reliable breakfast staple: scrambled eggs and sourdough toast.
Haaland's daily routine also includes a fairly intimate stretching session, an ice bath and some time in front of a red light therapy machine. Unfortunately, his masseur Mario not available to bend my legs. But Ingrid Rafael, a cosmetologist, was able to persuade me to undergo LED light therapy.
Like Haaland, I have a roommate who is a giant teddy bear. Before we head into the session, we take a look at some celebrity traitors.
I have to admit I'm skeptical about LED light therapy treatment before starting work, but there must be some secret behind the footballer's youthful appearance. Raphael, who says she's seen more men coming in for treatment, suggests that might be the case. “I think it's a miracle drug, period. It's absolutely unparalleled in its ability to promote aging,” she says.
After my face was cleaned and eye pads applied, my face glowed with different colored LEDs. A gentle heat sets in and, closing my eyes, I fall asleep and imagine myself on the beach.
Soon the treatment ends and I leave the clinic beaming. I must say I'm impressed. I'm getting closer to having skin as good as Haaland.
For the final stage of his day, I cook dinner and it will be big. I'm cooking a big juicy 770g tomahawk steak. I hope that after I finish it I can run out of the house and steal the show at the local football field.
After sprinkling the steak with special flake salt, I throw it on the grill for 10 minutes. Time to eat. I can only eat four or five bites before I feel a little dizzy. I don't think I've had my last raw milk yet. It comes back with a vengeance.
In football parlance, the drink turned out to be an own goal.
