BBCWarning: This article contains details that may be disturbing to some readers.
For survivors of sexual violence, even routine medical procedures can seem anything but ordinary. Dabs intended to protect may instead cause re-injury. To change this, a clinic, now celebrating its 10th anniversary, has been set up in east London specifically for victims of rape and sexual assault.
Natalie was nervous about the prospect of undergoing cervical screening because her relationship with her body had changed since her rape in August 2021.
“When people say it changes your life, it really is true,” she said.
“It felt like death to me, which is why I think the connection to survival is so important to bring that out.”
She said that although it gets easier over time, it is still difficult to talk about and live with.
“You may see a trigger that you weren't expecting, and then it can give you nightmares.”
Meeting in the dark
Because of the attack, she was hesitant to undergo a cervical examination.
“I was afraid that seeking this medical help would be like being raped again.
“I was very nervous that this could lead to self-harm or serious deterioration in mental health, and I wanted to help mitigate that.”
Natalie's hesitation subsided when she learned about My Body Back, a medical clinic at Mile End Hospital specifically for people who have been sexually assaulted.
“At My Body Back we discussed options,” she said.
“For example, I could use the speculum myself to examine my cervix, which meant that no one would touch me.
“I also went to my appointment in the dark, which helped as I find light can sometimes be overstimulating when I'm feeling particularly vulnerable.”
Before her appointment, a psychologist spoke with Natalie to find out what she needed to feel comfortable during the procedure.
“I was fully supported when I said what I wanted. This meant that the experience did not cause re-traumatization,” she said.
The experience also supported her broader recovery journey.
“It helps you reconnect with your body after you've been sexually assaulted.
“Seeing your body was almost a trigger because it was like a reminder of where he was, so when you access services like this it can help you remind yourself that your body belongs to you.”
The clinic was the first of its kind in the UK. when it opened in 2015.
It was organized by Pawan Amara, who was raped as a teenager.
In addition to cervical screening, it also offers tests for sexually transmitted infections and some pregnancy and childbirth care.
It is held once a month and is open to survivors throughout the country.
Its funding comes mainly from England's National Health Service, as well as donations from the charity My Body Back.
A a second clinic in Glasgow opened in 2018.and there is hope to open additional clinics in the future.
“Cervical screening is really important for preventing cervical cancer,” says Dr. Rebecca Lissmann, a physician at My Body Back.
“The screening test is an intimate examination and for some victims of sexual assault it can be re-traumatizing, so the existence of this service is vital.”
Dr Felicity Saunders, lead clinical psychologist, said: “At My Body Back we think, even from the moment that person arrives, 'how can we make this a safe place for them, giving them the time and attention they need.'
If you have been a victim of sexual assault or violence, help and support is available at: BBC Action Line.
