DEAR ABBY: Sister opts to torch the memories of late parents

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Dear Abby: My sister has always been a liar and a manipulator. She lost her job due to her toxic behavior. Our parents died 20 years ago, and since then she's been wiping their memory away to anyone who will listen. She claims she was unwanted because she was a woman, that my parents refused to give her a name and I wouldn't take her home from the hospital until the police are called. None of this is in Anyway true.

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Now, she claiming that our mother slept with several men and that my biological father may have been almost any. I have a DNA test that proves that my father was the man who was married to my mother for over 50 years. She dismisses this evidence as a “lab error” and supports her story about mine origin.

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How should I answer this? Can I contact members of our large extended family and tell them what she does? I suspect she wants my reaction, which she then uses as a weapon against me, as she often does. How do I deal with a liar who doesn't care about the impact of her accusations? — DISAPPOINTED BROTHER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BROTHER: your sister Seems, mentally unstable and does not want to accept you as her own brother. She may also be trying to upset you. If you think she is spreading these rumors among your relatives, be sure to contact them and tell them that you have proof that what she is saying is not true. One can only imagine what else she lied about.

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Dear Abby: A close relative has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Friends now send me articles and clippings about cancer research and the prospects of new treatments. If they actually READ these articles, they would see that human clinical trials are still a long way off, or that the type of cancer mentioned in the article is different from what my relative has. Why offer hope if there is none? The same thing happened to me when I got cancer 20 years ago. I once received an article about how to prevent Cancer I already had it!

Remind your readers that while these messages are most often sent with love, they do little to help the person suffering from illness and treatment, and can cause anger and pain. Doctors, especially oncologists, provide their patients with the best treatments available. His it's best to let them deal with it. Thank you. — SAD RELATIVE IN CALIFORNIA

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DEAR RELATIVE: Many people, upon learning that someone they care about has a terminal illness, feel sad and helpless. Out of the need to do something, they will send articles, some of which are inappropriate. While I agree that the most reliable source of information about cancer is your relative's oncologist, and that readers should know what message they are trying to send, please understand that they are being sent out of a desire to help.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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