II've had more good sex than most people have hot dinners, so when I discovered a lump in my breast and immediately knew it was cancer, I thought everything was fine. I had fun. I'll get a mastectomy, get it done and move on with my life.
But when I left the operating room, I was taken to a hospital room, which I shared with another woman. The doctors closed the curtain around us, sat down and told me that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and my other breast. I will need a second mastectomy and extensive chemotherapy. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I couldn't believe it.
After everyone had left, the woman on the other side of the curtain, who must have heard the whole conversation, called out to me and said, “Hey buddy, are you okay?”
I replied that actually not. We talked and she also had breast cancer. She just had a lumpectomy. What amazed me was that she went through this terrible thing, but was so determined and supportive. She told me, “Everything will be fine. They do a really good job with breast cancer. They know how to treat it.” And then we just started talking about our lives.
Later, her partner brought out marijuana cookies and we ate half of each. When he left, we talked all night – about our childhood, our foibles, our mistakes, our shared past as surfers, her times as a party girl, my child, her lack of children. We didn't sleep. At the end of the night I felt like I had shared everything I had never shared with anyone before and we were so loving and kind to each other. The cookies also made us laugh so hard we wet our pants and got into trouble with the nurses for making too much noise.
The next day she was discharged. She sent me an email saying I was thinking about her and that she knew I would be okay. I began two years of intensive treatment – I had another mastectomy, a hysterectomy, chemotherapy and radiation – and I was too sick to contact anyone. Later my email was hacked and I lost her contact details.
But this woman changed the rules of the game. Even though I didn't have a very positive future ahead of me, spending that fantastic night together was transformative. It taught me two things: that I can leave this space of darkness and find joy, and to seek the kindness that people give you, because kindness is what will sustain you. And this is there if you look.
What's the nicest thing a stranger has ever done for you?
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