The multiplex has cup holders. But the napkin holders have not been installed yet.
This might be a good idea if it becomes clear that director Josh Boone is going to helm another adaptation of the popular young adult novel, this time. Sorry About You by Colleen Hoover. As fans remember, Boone “The Fault in Our Stars” causing millions of overactive tear ducts and sniffling noses to become overloaded. It's a good idea to have a whole box of tissues on hand.
Of course, this story was not only about teenage love, but also about teenage cancer. It was hard not to cry just thinking about it, let alone seeing it. “Sorry About You,” a tragicomic romance between generations. adapted by Susan McMartin, has its share of heartbreak. But the weird way the tears give way to smiles, jokes, and then complete rom-com banality feels a little awkward and then just weird and annoying. At best, it's a trip on two napkins rather than the entire box.
Allison Williams and Dave Franco play Morgan and Jonah, and when we first meet them in high school, they have a definite chemistry (they also look like they're in their mid-30s, despite some aging). But Jonah is dating Morgan's sister Jenny, and Morgan is dating Jonah's friend Chris. This prelude, consisting of a teenage beach party, introduces us to the quartet, but also informs us of Morgan's unexpected pregnancy, which she has just discovered in a convenience store bathroom.
“How did we end up being the exact opposite?” – Jonah asks on the beach while handsome Chris is having fun and getting drunk with his cheerful sister Morgana.
And now, 17 years later, we meet these four again. We are more than disappointed to learn that the pairs were left untouched. Did Morgan REALLY marry the guy who told her on the beach that she had more fun when she was drunk? Yes, Morgan married Chris. And sister Jenny and Jonah (bespectacled, dark and sinuous, like Meredith Gray one might say) – but only because the one-night stand led to the birth of a child whom they raise together.
There's also another child, Morgan's daughter Clara (Mckenna Grace), who's about to turn 17 and is sweet, smart and wants to go to drama school. There's some conflict with her mother over these ambitions, although like much else here, it doesn't really ring true that Morgan, portrayed by the always engaging Williams, would be against such things. But no matter. Who are we to question the relationship between teenage daughters and their moms, right?
Then Miller appears. Known as the coolest guy in school (believable) but also a bit sketchy (unbelievable), Miller, sweetly played by Mason Thames, comes into Clara's life when he goes on a trip with her. She knows he has a girlfriend, but she is in love. Their path to love is thorny. Just kidding! Only a few pesky pebbles stand in the way, seemingly destined to fill pages of meandering writing. (He breaks up with his girlfriend. He gets back together with his girlfriend! He breaks up with his girlfriend again. He gets a little angry! He's okay again.)
But back to the main event: everyone coexists with minimal turbulence… until tragedy strikes, leaving a ragged trail of grief that runs through the entire family.
Readers of Hoover will know what we're talking about. So, partial spoiler alert: an accident shortens the cast of characters. And it throws all relationships into turmoil.
It's hard to discuss much of this without further spoilers, but let's just say that we have the requisite twists and turns, but literally no real tension. Along the way, the wittiest moment is when Jonah's baby ends up on a supermarket shopping cart, sandwiched between large bottles of white wine with which Morgan self-medicates. When talking about medications, you might think of the cheerful line: “Acetaminophen always helps!” was written before it became political statement.
Last year's adaptation Hoover “It all ends with us.” director Justin Baldoni, as you may have heard, was a great success, so there were high hopes for “Regretting You”. There are some sweet kisses (otherwise it's very chaste) and some nice statements of maternal devotion (kudos to Williams for going above and beyond), but the cheese factor is unfortunately high. And it all ends with such a corny final scene that I literally felt myself blushing in the darkness of the multiplex.
If there had been a pack of Kleenex tissues next to me instead of a Diet Coke, I would have closed my eyes.
“Regret About You,” a Paramount Pictures release, is rated PG-13 “for sexual content, teen drug and alcohol use and brief language.” Duration: 117 minutes. One and a half stars out of four.
