Actor and director Ben Stiller knows a good story when he sees one, so he knew the portrayal of his late parents, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, would be interesting. But even he had no idea how deep this would take him. “No, I didn’t do that!” he laughed. “I mean, I didn't know where it was going to go.”
Stiller and Meara were the husband-and-wife comedy team of the 1960s and '70s, appearing on “The Ed Sullivan Show” 36 times. But to Ben and sister Amy, Stiller and Meara were also mom and dad—and that could be confusing.
Stiller's new Apple TV documentary, Stiller and Meara: Nothing Is Lost, looks at how his parents navigated both roles.
CBS News
Married for 62 years, their family life was shaped by Jerry's relentless ambition and Anna's dissatisfaction with comedy when her dream was to become a serious actress, and the drinking that followed. As Ben noted in his film, “She had to go out there and do that number because she was good at it. But that wasn't really her thing, you know? This was not her real happiness.”
The film represents an adult's attempt to answer the difficult question that shaped his childhood: Where did the act end and the marriage begin?
In one archived interview, Jerry Stiller calls his wife “the funniest woman in the world, off stage and on stage. The thing is, when she does these funny things, I'm an exploiter and an opportunist, and I'm going to take a pencil and start writing it down.”
Anne Meara chimes in: “He says we can use it in the show, and I'm ready to kill him! Again, where does the action end and the marriage begin?”
Ben Stiller said: “There is so much footage, footage and things to show about good times and bad, stressful times and happy times. I felt it was really important to try to find a balance in the film that conveyed to the audience what the reality of their relationship is, which I think is based on love.”
Since 2010: Stiller and Meara about love and marriage (“Sunday Morning”).
Stiller had access to more than just old clips from long-running shows. While he was cleaning out the family apartment before selling it, he got some unexpected help: Jerry Stiller was secretly taping everything, producing boxes and boxes of recordings. “I had no idea he was recording these kinds of arguments and discussions,” Ben said. “I’ve never heard all this before. It took me back to when I was a kid in the house and they worked together.”
For a director trying to figure it all out, Ben Stiller was a goldmine.
Among the recordings was a conversation in which his father tells his mother about her drinking and confronts her about it.
I asked, “Was it important to you in terms of understanding your father that you could hear him do this?”
“Yes,” Ben said. “I thought, ‘Oh, okay. He actually talked to her about it.” Because as children we never talked about it.”
“Perhaps you carry this feeling with you, why did dad never argue with mom? Guess what – he did it.”
“Right! He did it,” Ben said. “And it changed.”
This deconstruction of his parents' marriage occurred as Stiller was struggling with his midlife issues. Separated at the time from his wife, actress Christine Taylor (with whom he later reconciled), Stiller describes himself as unhinged and unhappy, cut off from his family and a little lost.
He talked about the irony of thinking he was doing much better than his parents: “When you're younger, you think: Okay, I'll do better. I'm not going to make THAT mistake. I found myself in a place in my life where everything wasn't quite in sync.”
Now under the magnifying glass, Stiller and Meara had company: their son. “I didn't want to pretend to be some sort of objective judge of their relationship when I had so many problems in my own relationship and my own things,” he said.
CBS News 
Was it a difficult journey for yourself? “Yes,” he said. “Then it changed everything because it was like: oh, okay. You know, I'll have to talk about my feelings! These are things that I never, you know, talk about.”
Not exactly where he expected to be when he started the project. In honest, frank and candid conversations with his daughter Ella and son Quinn, Ben spoke in the film about his struggles with being the child of someone famous: “I remember one day I was literally on the street and talking to him about the fact that I felt like he wasn't paying enough attention to us, and while we were talking, someone on the street came up and said, 'Jerry, I love you. work” and he started talking [to them]!”
Stiller reveals the painful problem of breaking stereotypes when his son adds, “It's funny because just a few weeks ago we were all at a restaurant and I was stressed about college stuff. And then the people there wanted to take your picture, and I remember being so upset, like, the world just has to stop to take this picture.”
Stiller said: “I was genuinely surprised when he told me that. As a director I thought: This is an interesting moment in the film.”
“How’s your father?” I asked.
“As a father, I was like this: Oh shit“, he laughed.
Ben Stiller did something that took more courage than just making an honest film about loved ones; he made an honest film about himself.
I said, “One of the most uncomfortable places you can be is a mirror, right? Sometimes your children hold up a mirror.”
“Yeah, you know, it's kind of… it's a bummer because I can never go back, you know?” – Stiller said.
And it helped him overcome difficulties from childhood – to find grace to give to his parents, realizing that he might have to look for something of his own.
When asked what his relationship with his parents was, Stiller replied: “I don’t know!”
“All this work, and you don’t know?”
“Well, I mean, they're still not here. For me it was a sad ending to the film. It was like: Oh, now I have no excuse to just hang out with them here.“
I asked, “Was it an intense reunion, although it seemed like it was what you needed most?”
“Yes,” Stiller said. “As my mom would probably say, 'Yeah, go make a movie about this if you want to learn how to deal with your feelings!'”
To watch the trailer for Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost, click on the video player below:
WEB EXTRAS: Extended Interview – Ben Stiller (Video)
For more information:
The story was produced by Gabriel Falcon. Editor: Remington Corper.
See also:
