Inspirational Thought of the Week:
“Are you surprised?”
“Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be any more surprised than I am now.”
— Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie, “National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation”
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located behind storage trailers that house all the makeup and rubber noses needed to try to make Glen Powell look even remotely unattractive in “Chad Powers,” we, as Chad's teammates and coaching staff on the Southern Georgia Catfish, sometimes struggle to recognize who and what really stands before us. Then, when they reveal their true identities, which we assume Chad will do at some point, we're left standing with our jaws on the floor and our face in our hands, like Hugh Freeze while watching a rerun.
See: Last week's highly anticipated Mega Bowl Pillow Fight of the Week between the bottom 10, third-ranked UMess Minuetmen and fourth-ranked Kent State. And we weren’t the only ones expecting an equal game. The nerds in the desert with their calculators next to the shrimp buffet had Kent as a 1.5-point favorite, and our ESPN Analytics team's Ouija board odds-on-win index thought UMass had a 43.9% chance of coming out on top.
Final score: Kent State 42, Massachusetts 6.
Watch Part 2: Penn State, which just three weekends ago was within striking distance of beating Oregon in overtime, faced its second straight top-ten opponent, Northwestern, which had lost to then-ucLa Boo'ins the week before. And the Nittany Lions lost again, their third straight, and then fired James Franklin, who just 10 months earlier had coached them to within three points of playing for the national title.
Let's check out the University of Pennsylvania… pic.twitter.com/btJn0BbtgK
— Ryan McGee (@ESPNMcGee) October 11, 2025
The thing is, no one knows what the hell we're talking about. But it's a lot of fun to talk about. Well, it's a lot of fun for us. In Amherst, Massachusetts, and State College, Pennsylvania, they look out the window at the silent majesty of a winter morning and a guy in a robe flushing a chemical toilet down their drain.
With apologies to former North Texas tight end Robert Griswold, former Northwestern tight end Bob Griswold, cousin Eddie George and Steve Harvey, here are the final 10 rankings for Week 7.
The Minuetmen currently rank 130th in points against, 135th in yards and 136th in points for. They also rank 111th in passing yards. Do you think these other units look at guys passing by and say, “Stop making the rest of us look bad”?
The Beavers went to North Carolina and lost to Appalachian State, then hosted and lost to another North Carolina team in Wake Forest, and then fired head coach Trent Bray, who wasn't even the biggest coach Trent lost his job this week…
The good news for the Bearkats is that they were the closest they came to winning, as they had the entire season before losing to Jacksonville State over Jacksonville City 29-27. Next on the calendar is Pillow Fight of the Week at the USA conference. Who are they fighting against? Keep scrolling…
Yes, it's the Minors who travel to Sam Houston State on Wednesday night. I hope someone reminds them that Sam Houston State is not actually in Houston; Huntsville is an hour north. I hope someone reminds them that this is not Huntsville in Alabama, but one in Texas, one city away from Arizona, and hopefully someone reminds them that this is a city in Arizona in Texas, not in the state of Arizona.
Sources told Bottom 10 JortsCenter that as James Franklin was driving home from the office with his box of stuff, he was met in the driveway by Charlie Weis and Bobby Bonilla, who gave him a signed copy of Scrooge McDuck's How to Make a Mattress Out of a Lot of Money.
The Woof Pack started the year with a loss to Penn State when Happy Valley was still happy, and then a win over Sacramento State. The rest of the year was similar to another former late-night show in Reno, HBO's “Cathouse.” And just like that reality TV show in the brothel, we'll never admit we watched, but we secretly can't look away.
If you're wondering when MTSU and Novada might play in their version of Pillow Fight of the Week, we have some bad news. This has already happened. The Blue Raiders scored two touchdowns in the final six minutes to win 14–13 in Week 3.
When Trent Dilfer was fired from UAB, he went down to the locker room to tear up a bunch of stuff, but after two and a half seasons of him blowing up like the red guy from “Wrath” from Inside Out, there was nothing left to break.
The Pillow Fight of the Week, Y'all Edition, is the college football equivalent of that Spider-Man meme, with non-Southern Georgia State going 2-4. The winner retains exclusive rights to “GSU” for the next year. The loser must change all of their logos to “GUS”.
For those of you – and we're talking to ourselves here – who are still upset about the lack of content in the UMass-Kent State game, imagine Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda sitting on a Dagobah log while Luke Skywalker flies off to get his ass kicked by Darth Vader. “This boy was our last hope.” “No… there's another one.” These Other Huskies travel to UMass on November 12th…and host Kent State over Thanksgiving weekend. Plus, how cool would it be to see Obi-Wan and Yoda in #MACtion gear? Speaking of the Midwest, I've heard from many Wisconsin fans that this is where the Badgers belong. Yes, I saw your schedule. You'll be here soon. To quote Luke's father – Skywalker, not Fickel – this is your destiny.
Waiting list: Kent State, Emu Emu, South Alabama Reserve Division, Oklahoma State No Poking, Charlotte 1-and-5ers, Wisconsin Badgers, Ba-Stan College, UNC Chapel Bill, finger slapping.
